Why am I single? ~ Chris

“Why am I single?”

The rhythmic tap tap tap of my keyboard grates on my nerves as I type this. I hit send, and off it goes to my girls group chat. 

You’re probably wondering what brought this on, yes? Well, why don’t I start from the beginning. 

Three days ago, my sister, Teni invited me for a small get together at her home. Of course I went because Teni’s get togethers are always epic. It’s never “small”. There’s always more than enough food, good music, and most importantly (in my opinion anyway 🌚), the latest gossip. 🤌🏾 

This time however, I was in for a huge surprise. I should have guessed something was up when I saw so many family members there. Teni usually invites her friends and colleagues from work. I didn’t think it was a big deal sha. Maybe she just missed everyone. That girl, she’s always flitting off from one country to another. 

I was chilling on the sofa with a tall glass of Masseto (these Italians really know their wine!) when Teni announced that she was engaged. You could hear a pin drop in the ensuing silence. 

My glass clatters to the floor as I try and fail to connect the dots. Teni?? Engaged??? When?? Where?? How??? Wasn’t it last week that she posted “men are scum” on her story and I responded with “preach sis!!” Aaaaaah! Teni has slyed me oo. I offered my congratulations (even though I was brimming with hurt because why didn’t my sister tell me she was in a relationship? Am I a terrible person?) and prepared to make a quick escape so I could go lick my wounds back at home.

Unfortunately, aunty Ronke spotted me just as I was stepping out, and she called my name, her boisterous voice immediately getting everyone’s attention. “Ahahn Funmi, where are you running off to?” She asked, with a sly smile. “Where is your own husband?” “Why are you single??” “Your junior sister has snagged a man before you. Aren’t you ashamed?” “Perhaps that’s why you’re running off with your tail between your legs… maybe if you opened up those legs, you’ll fetch a man, since all your fancy degrees haven’t done the trick.”

Unable to answer the barrage of questions and not ready to have people look at me with pity in their eyes, I take my bag and leave. Teni calls for me, but I can’t stand to see her face right now. I ignore her and keep going.

Fast forward to three days later, and I’m still here, brooding over her questions. I consider myself a confident lady, but with just a few words, Aunty Ronke managed to strip me of the confidence I’d built, stone by meticulous stone. Now, alone, feeling hurt and a little discouraged, my inner child crept out, and with her, all the tiny doubts and fears behind that laboriously built wall. 

But wait oo, being single cannot be that bad na, abi? I mean, I get to do what I want, how I want, when I want. I’m not relegated to kitchen duty and I don’t have to submit to anyone. And most importantly, you can’t chop breakfast if you’re single. 🤌🏾

But omooo, I’m lonely sha. My friends are married and they don’t have time for me anymore. Maybe that’s why they still haven’t responded to my message. They’re probably still cuddling their husbands. 🙄 Maybe I should call Teni. Ooh wait, she’s engaged. 🥲

Once again, the voice in my head plays like a broken record- Why are you single?

————————————-

Wahala!!!! When you are trying to convince yourself that being single is a good thing but you are not buying it 😂😂😂😭😭😭.

Where are my single ladies at? tell us why you are still single. what’s the courting pool like , have you met anyone recently, how is the talking stage going, what was your last mean aunt experience like, has your African mother reminded you today that your mates have married ??? I have questions girls, use the comments section and let’s make this interactive today.

I am personally tired of that talking stage , putting in the effort, getting to know someone and then realizing they are not it, I don’t have the power for it, “I just didn’t dey” right now.

Okay guys, gotta run.

Thanks to all our constants who keep coming back, our once in a blue moon’s, and the in between’s, we love ya.

Disemi

12 thoughts on “Why am I single? ~ Chris

  1. We would survive and I can’t relate to the core😥
    Myself and my girlfriends went out one day and we were having a conversation before I knew what was happening one of them just turned to me and asked if I was God’s step daughter because they all had a man and I’m single 😩
    Till tomorrow I can’t ever forget even though it sounded like she was joking but bro don’t joke with something like that Tori my insecurities has registered that at the back of my mind and it screams it at me anytime it gets the chance to.

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    1. Continuation…..
      if there was any day I was ever vulnerable with God it was that day cause I cried buckets on my knees while talking to my ‘father’ and it wasn’t even funny.

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      1. Psalm 56, vs 8 says that God keeps track of your every toss and turn, and every tear you’ve cried is in his book of remembrance.

        Now, I know it can be hard a lot of the time, especially with (seemingly) well-meaning friends, mothers, grandmothers, etc. But remember that it’s much better to marry “late”, than to marry wrong.

        Be patient, keep trusting God, and keep believing. Yours will be a blessed union and the wait will be worth it. 💕🫂

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      2. Responses like that will come to quench your spirit, but try not to let it bother you that much cause God is obviously working out something for you. When you come out from that phase and God blesses you, their mouths will be shut. We “the tribe” love you

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    2. Your time will come. Maybe sooner than you think. Just believe and be ready ❤️❤️❤️❤️

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  2. It’s easier when you do not have African mother and grandmother to deal with. There are times when you put on a very tough skin but one or two words from them will make you doubt yourself, feel bad about yourself or even feel that it’s a crime to be single.

    But shaa we all have to move regardless… I believe in not forcing it if you are not ready for it.

    And for those who are ready but can’t see the “let’s take it to the next level brother”, keep moving regardless.

    Keep trusting God (even when you think he is responsible lol). He’s been coming through and won’t stop now❤️❤️❤️

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  3. I can relate.
    My mum is always talking about the yam for my bride price, I don’t even know how to tell her it’s not happening soon, then my friends reminding me every second to ‘allow someone’s son love me’

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  4. I can totally relate, been single for 3 years with fruitless talking stages, still trusting God and working on myself. He’s gonna do it in his time.

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  5. One of my favorite topics…..

    I gave my mum the nice response she wasn’t expecting during our last daughter to mother talk on this topic (I switched the conversation though she intended to have the mother-daughter talk).

    My response was so simple; mum thanks for your concern, I will marry when I meet the right person. (Naija woman, that answer did not cut it with the look on her face) I quickly added oh I will rather remain single than marry wrong. (Now trust her countenance to change but she got the memo).

    For extended family members that can like to act like they are more concerned than I am, after listening the first time you bring up the subject and I respond nicely with a lovely smile. The second time they try it, I block them off my contact list 🙈. protecting my mental space is important

    Liked by 1 person

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