I like him, now what? ~ Kay-dee Mashile

So, there was this guy in my church back when I was in university. He was smart, goofy and kind. Cool guy but not really the type I’d look at twice. He was cute though, had these ocean blue eyes and blonde hair, Get the picture?

Not to be extra dramatic, but he was also a drummer! He had such a great love for God and worship. Although we weren’t so close, I knew He really loved God. I could see it whenever he worshipped with the band.

His eyes suddenly became even more beautiful when he closed them to shut everything and everyone out and just… WORSHIP!

One Sunday, I sat down in the congregation and observed his reverence to God… And all I could say was, I love the way worship looks through your eyes! (One day I will share with you the poem I wrote about him titled “worship through your eyes” – yes it was that deep lol, don’t judge me!).

Definitely judging

I mean, I wasn’t lustful or anything. I was just drawn to this guy… and then it dawned on me that I probably had a crush on him! I was shocked… but… but… he’s wh… and I’m bl… wait… what?! 😳 I couldn’t even make it make sense to myself! At this point, I had known him for like 3 or 4 years and I didn’t even know what he did for a living.

I couldn’t tell him how I felt, I also come from such a historically racist town, it was just gonna be too much admin to try and get his parents to like me. So I tried to get over it. But every time he would sit on the drums and lead worship with the band, I couldn’t shake this… thing!

So, as the good Christian girl I am, I set up a meeting with my home group leader. And I confessed to her that I have this (very holy) crush on Brother Drummer. And you won’t believe what she said after that! I was expecting her to say no or that I’m not his type. Or that he was seeing someone else (she’d know these things). Or that I should lay it down before the Lord or pray, or something a “MaMfundisi” (Pastor’s Wife) is expected to say.

You know what she said to me? My “Mama Pastor” said to me: “Oh! I never expected that! Well, enjoy it. Enjoy liking him for now”. She made it sound like it wasn’t a big deal. She went on to tell me how we don’t have to date everyone we like or even pursue a relationship with every crush. I was like mmmhhh, okay! But for a while, I still sat down and wrote poems about him. And every time that happened, I wondered if I wasn’t sinning or doing something wrong. Also, what if I’m sitting here writing about someone’s man?! It freaked me out a little bit. I struggled. But I also thought how much of a waste of time it was to like someone just for the fun of it! Iyoh! At least I kept some of those poems 🤭.

😋😋

But, you know what? Even now, at this my big age, I still haven’t found the correct answer on what one is to do when she likes a brother in the church. How do we steward those feelings so that we don’t get heartbroken when brother Bandile chooses sister Lindiwe instead? Sometimes it’s not even all in your head… maybe the good brother even took you out for coffee a couple of times. But then he decided you’re not the one! Yheyi, the flames that exist on the mjolo (dating) streets! 🙆🏾

So, for those of us who still need to be found, how do we go about handling crushing on brothers at church (because who else are we gonna marry?? 💁🏾‍♂️) and how does one keep their hearts guarded so as to prevent heartbreak but also open enough to receive love?

————————-

Our South African sissy’s are teaching us their slangs too, because “we global now” 😂.

I cannot tell you how many church crushes I had. I would talk my friend Ibilola’s ear off, in the name of church crush. I never had the courage to speak to them or even say hello and after church and our meetings, I went home. today they are married and my secret will go with me when Jesus comes.

So guys, use the comments, I promise it’s not broken. Is a crush just a crush? does it ever become something more? Do we just boldly tell our departments head that we have a crush and let them do the job on our behalf ? Have you had a church crush before , what did you do?? Tell us how to handle , my notifications are on.

Okay people, have a beautiful day.

Love and light

Dise

54 thoughts on “I like him, now what? ~ Kay-dee Mashile

  1. I smiled as i read because i can totally relate. Well, i once had a crush in school fellowship. Coincidentally, he also had a crush on me. I think at a point, he asked if we could be friends…in my head i was like (wow, why not bro), we shaa become friends and we’re till good friends till date.

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    1. You’re more saved than me… I would have been like “I don’t want to be your friend, Bro 🙄” 😂. So glad y’all remained friends though… Friendships are precious!

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  2. I don’t know what we can do because I’m also on this boat 😂😂😂
    What I would continue to do is eye them from afar Tori I can’t comma be dealing with rejection and embarrassment after.

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    1. Eish! I think we need an intervention committee when people can confess their crushes in church 😂 because every situation is different 🤷🏾‍♀️

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  3. I laughed out loud reading this. Especially “enjoy liking him for now”… Your departmental head is definitely either my Mama pastor Mildred or my Mami Stella Damasus… They make the abnormal in your head look normal, help you set boundaries and also give you room for decision making. Who asked me this though?🙄🙄🤣🤣

    Back to business. I think crush is a thing of the mind. Very natural!… But what I always tell myself is the same God that put those hormones in your system that is making you crush also made self control available for you.

    Interesting enough, for me crush fades with time… I’ve said plenty things lol but I guess I’m trying to say that it’s okay to crush. But crush with sense 🥰 because after a few years, you will look back at your crush and say nah!!! I wasn’t the one crushing earlier. Someone crushed through me🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

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    1. Somebody crushed through me! 😂

      I hear you… And what you’re saying is so true. As I grow older, I’ve realised that I need to wait 2 weeks before I declare that I like someone. Sometimes I’m just ovulating or PMSing and my hormones are all over the place 🤷🏾‍♀️. If I still like them, I tell someone. And that’s usually enough to make me realise that I’m making a big deal out of nothing.

      If self-control was served on a buffet, we’d all pass it 😂 it’s nobody’s favourite fruit! But we have to take it 🤧

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    2. So does that mean a crush isn’t a real thing , is it just fickle and hence nothing to pay attention to ?

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  4. Lol!
    Ma’am, personally I think it is a great thing to have a way to process it. Write about it, sing it or whatever. I have done that, I’d feel strongly about a thing, a write a song – record it on my phone, and then delete it. It’s a way of releasing the emotions..
    I agree a lot with the advice you got from the elder. Enjoy what’s good, learn yourself and your taste in the process. And do extend love on a brotherly level to the person but by all means, guard against over-investment cause that’s what may cause heartbreak. Also do pray about it, letting go gracefully is a work of grace.

    Love it ma’am❤️❤️

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    1. Can I please hear some of those songs? 💁🏾‍♂️😅 I hear you though, guarding ones heart is key!

      Thanks for reading and sharing ❤️❤️❤️

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    2. So basically crushes are fleeting ?? Isn’t a crush valid ? And once na crush just allow the emotions subside and move on ?

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  5. When you said “today they are married”, I wanted to cry 😭. Its so sad, but its definitely the reality. I also think it is important to learn in singleness how to handle crushes…because handsome men will come around even after marriage. Will we still be crushing on them anyhow? Now is the moment to cultivate self discipline and emotional intelligence.

    Having said all this, I’ve had a crush on Guitarist Boy from church for over a year now. Prayers for your sister are welcome. 😅

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    1. 🤣😂🤣😭😭😭😭 Why are we eyeing the notorious bunch – musicians 🤣🤣🤣 saints!!!

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    2. I was in your amen corner and then paragraph 2 came 😂.

      I pray for deliverance for you, a year is too long 😂 I’d go crazy!

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    3. I don’t think what we have in marriages would be regarded as a crush , I am suddenly questioning the meaning of the word. Hmmmm I have gone to check the meaning and I hear you.

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    4. Lmaoo a whole year, this one has passed crush o, please have courted and married and you are still crushing 😂😂

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  6. Wow! The weird thing about this place is seeing your deepest secrets in print🙈 it’s so liberating to know that I’m not alone. I had my share of church crushes oo. I didn’t know there is such a thing as telling ur department leader😀. Looking back now that I’m married, I’m glad I didn’t make a fool of myself with the bros. However, some brothers just need a push in d right direction ooo😆. Stylish approach like Ruth might not be a bad suggestion. A question that you already know the answer to, maybe🤔. A faint compliment😜. Just be visible but try not to swoon, lolss. You have to be seen to be shown favour🤷‍♀️

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    1. Deepest secrets in print like ei
      Secrets that I’m guarding with my full chest laid
      It’s left only name that they should add and my cover is blown😂😫

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  7. This took me back to the days when I used to crush on boys😍 I smiled and laughed and just like that I was off taking a stroll down memory lane. This made me reakise how carefree I was about crushes back then. I took them as harmless fun feelings that would dissipate sooner than later. Now that I’m older having crush gives me anxiety because why am I still crushing on “boys”🙄 I would have thought I’d be crushing on my husband or fiance at this age😏

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  8. How does one keep their heart guarded so as to prevent heartbreaks but open enough to receive love?😫
    This question has been on my heart since about last week
    I seriously need answers cuz how do you deal with crushes while remaining just friends and stop the imaginations from wedding planning cuzzzzz😫😫😫😫😫

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    1. I think what worked for me, was the fact that I always went to God lamenting and complaining about how I feel for a guy that’s not reciprocating. So at the tale end, I just ask Him(God) to help me get over the person and forget about it. While I have done that, I’ll still remain friends but, if we used to chat all the time and always sitting side by side in church, then I stop doing all of those things.
      God truly hears me and gradually the feelings begin to die and die forever, until otherwise ☺️

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      1. Best way to go about this , go for a different service if possible. Something wey you no see no go hungry you chop

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    2. Crushing on a guy or bro is only natural it means you are alive and well. Maximize it especially when it gives you inspiration but you must control it. Trust the Holy Spirit to help you by talking it with Him. You will be super amaze how the whole thing turns out. Sometimes those emotions fades away. Sometimes its just a pointer that you need a friend; but then you must watch and pray.

      Cheers

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      1. Pointer that I need a friend as in I want the guy in my space as a friend or that I need a friend in general?

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    3. Simple answer, be friendly but allow emotions to subside before you decide. I do something when I like an item, But I am thinking of my acc bal, I give it time , I don’t purchase immediately, give it a few weeks or a month , If I still like it and I can afford it then I buy it.

      Don’t be in a hurry to progress with the crush , be friends , you might not even like them once you get to know them, and if you become friends then let him stir the ship, if you cannot handle being just friends , cut off the line of sight, focus that crush on Jesus 😋😋😋

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      1. I can’t allow my emotions to be thinking for me jare😫😂enever easy but HOLY SPIRIT gat my back so ago dey ok
        Tennnkkeewww

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  9. Very holy crush. 😂😂😂😂😂
    Puhleeeeze! I’m done. 🤣 This was beautifully written. Thank you Kay-Dee. ❤

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  10. Likeeee!!!!! that feeling of them moving on to another sister because they “realised” you’re not the one…it’s scary mehn 😵‍💫

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    1. Heartbreaking
      Discouraging
      Meeerrnnn
      But I heard this quote and I thought to share
      You will never be able to fully heal emotionally unless you are dealing with HOLY SPIRIT intimately
      So even in the pain let’s go back to HOLY SPIRIT and HE would make us nice and new

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  11. Mmmm… I’m smiling molar to molar non stop because this is so mee! 😂😂 Ha! Me eh, I take their phone number from someone oo, from another brother and randomly text them 🙊🙈 If the vibe isn’t mutual I finally give up, can’t come and kee myself 😒☺️

    One of my favourite posts though 😍😍❤️❤️

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  12. For me I’ll talk to God about it, and pray for God to take away the feelings so I can sha concentrate 😂😂, please dont wanna sound overly spiritual

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  13. For me I’ll talk to God about it, and pray for God to take away the feelings so I can sha concentrate 😂😂, please dont wanna sound overly spiritual….But time does help alot too

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