Raising sons in a feminist world ~ Kelebogile

Hi guys, we are back! Who missed me cos I know I missed you all. Anyway let’s get to it.

Before Easter we had a different take on feminism, don’t know about you but the word doesn’t sit well with me, only because of what loads of people make it out to be, I also feel like we can do lots of good things without the need to slap a label on it. However our guest writer today is writing from a mothers perspective and it stirred some thoughts within me. so please let us know in the comments what you think, it’s dilemma Tuesday after all, so we welcome ideas, thoughts and questions.

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I wondered for a while myself if the feminist perspective is something I should follow and subscribe to. I wondered as a young woman how to navigate feminism and Christianity. I realized and understood the ideal that feminism does not exist for or against men but solely for the female agender.

Structurally I understand that men have been at the forefront of leading and oppressing. However, I always wondered what would cause an entire gender to feel this way and how I never grew up with women who were in any way smaller than the men around them. I always say my grandfather demanded authority but it was my grandmother who gave it to him. She was always a powerful force, even in her chosen role as a wife. The respect she gave him did not take away from the strength she carried, and he recognized that and treated her as such.

My first year working in the space of rehabilitation and reintegration of offenders, I had not met one woman offender the whole year. I wondered why that is, in a time when offending doesn’t have a race, gender, or a face. I came to realize that although equality is the driving force of the feminist world we live in, the vulnerability of men and the fact that men find themselves in roles of offending is not a much-discussed topic in this feminist world. Why is it that beyond the awful acts men commit, a space where we discuss the vulnerable character of these very men does not exist?

Once you enter the discussion of victim and offender, the former will always be assumed to be a woman and the latter a male. Now I am not saying it is not often that way, statistically more men are perpetrators than woman are. So what is this societal challenge for men that causes them to continuously want to hurt women and exert immense control of the female gender? Why do men want to always feel like the stereotypical man?

Perhaps instead of looking at men for the answer, we can do our bit in understanding ourselves as a women and trying to do only what we can in a bid to change the course. Men are not monsters, they are not all the same, none cut from the same cloth. Their internal battles with identity stem from spaces we cannot fathom, some spiritual, some cultural, some ancestral. Until we as women understand our space and allow them to be human before they are scary men monsters, we cannot see them as the creation God intended them to be. 

Disclaimer I am not a feminist, I am a parent of a boy child and a girl child. I am a mother who comes from a single-parent household and due to the violent nature of my marriage, I am left to tender and care for my children on my own. I find myself needing to balance the scale of strength and vulnerability, to show both my kids alike that vulnerability is not taboo and strength though necessary and useful is not the answer to all things. As a parent of a boy and a girl. Empowerment will happen to both. Providing space for vulnerability and strength to both. My son should know that it is okay to be trusting and vulnerable, I should allow him to know what that looks like in a healthy relationship. My daughter the same. 

Not knowing what healthy male relationships look like, from my dad to my ex-husband. I can easily follow the feminist agenda. However, I cannot. Prayer is the first place to find Holy spirit guidance, it is the space where healing happens, not just for me but for my historical pain and future victories.

You need not be for or against feminism to understand the spiritual battle men are facing. It is for all people to kneel and pray for the generations to come that this Violent Goliath is met by the Davids in the men God has entrusted with this earth (children and wives). It is through prayer that the true identity of man will be found and restored. This however, like for instance criminal activity, needs us all to be objective and understand that more than one single root is the cause and not all men are the same and cut from the same cloth.

Perhaps the eradication of violent acts against woman will not be met in our generation but we pray for the coming generation to be of men that are honorable, no heroes or monsters but simple men with good intention and care for those around them.

By ~ Kelebogile Boleu – Olivier

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I could feel her mom’ness all the way from here and I totally heard her. So what say you all, go on, use the comments section I promise we don’t bite .

See you all tomorrow

Love & light

Disemi

22 thoughts on “Raising sons in a feminist world ~ Kelebogile

  1. “Simple men with good intention and care for those around them.”

    I know this will stay with me throughout today. She hit the nail on the head so succinctly that I cannot help but think about all the men in my life as well as those I have encountered one way or another. I see differently now.

    Thank you so much for this. I know my life is better because of it. God bless you.

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      1. This is beautifully written and so much of what is written resonates with me. As a boy mom I’m enjoying this post and I’m hearing you💖

        I believe I’m raising my son to be a decent human being. I pray that I am instilling in him the principles u mentioned. I however find that as he’s growing up I want him to spend more time with men who are honorable for guidance and impartation.

        Thank u🌹

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  2. From one mother to another, I entirely understand the battle of balance and trying to avoid our inner stereotypical nature when caring for our children. Oh he’s a boy, he will walk it off, while the girl gets a Barbie coated plaster. Sometimes it happens so fast without you even noticing and yet the consequences lifelong!

    An eye opening reflective piece to all of society, thank you mommy. May we learn to take a pause before we react. Is there “take a boy child to work” day? Just wondering what to do with my boys on ” take a girl child to work” day 🤔.

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  3. 1. We need to raise children that understand that male and female He created them. That know that what is important to her/him is important to him/her. That SEE each other.
    2. I remember when a friend was going through domestic violence I said to her :”we need to know why he does it, what does he see when he looks at you?” If he does not see you nothing can be rectified.
    3. “Feminism” has been used as an excuse for some women to duplicate unacceptable behavior men do. “If a man can do it why can’t a woman” or “if a man does it he is the man but if a woman does it she is a slut”. It appears as though feminists do not seek to correct but replace.
    4. Raising a boy child is difficult because you have to wonder how he is going to deal with the realization that the transition from adolescence to manhood is overwhelming, a man is valued by what he has and not who he is. It takes a everything for a man to self-correct and to see the value in himself. So many of our peers are out every night trying to prove their manhood getting in unnecessary and overwhelming situations to prove that they are worthy.
    5. I don’t know if I have veered off topic but the need to instill good values and principles has never been more critical, more so for the girl child because the standards that women set and maintain, men will abide by. Currently so many ladies have placed more value in what you can do rather than who you are

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    1. Bring back the emphasis on valuing character and righteousness, over relating and identifying ourselves through the world and what it makes of us. I think we need to engage more in these discussions, although feminism in itself can no longer be a scapegoat. It began, I believe, as a well-intended movement but is often lost in translation/interpretation.

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    2. Your 4th point 🔥🔥🔥

      I always wonder why we are more interested in asking people “What do you want TO DO when you grow up,” instead of “What kind of person do you want TO BE when you grow up,” and then wonder why people’s identity is wrapped up in their career, how much money they make, etc.

      I always pray for my bestfriend that He will run to God when He feels overwhelmed with the pressures (direct and indirect) of being a young man in our world today.

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  4. Thank you so much for sharing this; so beautifully written. “Vulnerability of men”, vulnerability of male offenders,  definitely topics that hardly ever get discussed. To think that as Christians we seldom see offenders through the eyes of the Creator, and quite honestly, we don’t want to … but we have to, how else can we love each other as commanded?

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  5. “It is for all people to kneel and pray for the generations to come that this Violent Goliath is met by the Davids in the men God has entrusted with this earth (children and wives).”

    Wow. Wow. Wow.

    We can change the narrative on our knees. Too many men are dying early, getting involved in risky activities, or worse, abusing the wrong people because we have left our post to intercede and give grace where necessary. May God have mercy on us and help us live the way He intended.

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  6. Am a mom of two beautiful children , a son and daughter .I agree all men are not cut from the same cloth and should not be judged same. We teach our sons to be loving and compassionate. Be the David of there generation that God can entrust his jewels to( wives and children) . Our daughters with strength , success and yet Will still serve and venerate the men in there lives. They will know how to spot shenanigan and not settled.

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    1. The duty is with both the sons and the daughters, we have our work cut out for us as parents. Fortunately, we have a God that walks the journey with us and guides us all the way.

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  7. Kele this is so well written. It’s even challenging me as a mother of two. To teach my girls its ok to accept the vulnerability of Men and at the same time not to feel the need to doninate or exert strength to feel empowered.
    Thank you. We need spaces where a man/boy feels ok to be vulnerable. It will build a new generation when our kids are adults

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