Are You doing the Do?

About 8 years ago, I was staying at an older friends house, not even sure I can call her a friend because she was more. She was much older, a friend of the family and like a big sister to me and we were pretty close.


We talked about everything, I told her about my crushes and she would gossip about her husband (in a good way) , I would go to  her for advice and she would be open, honest and transparent, always reminding me not to make the same mistakes she did growing up, she would stop me from making crazy decisions and I would in turn push her to let her hair down, she would send me cash a lot of times and I would come to her  house for the weekend and offer to clean for her (stop rolling your eyes please, I love to clean and sometimes I get paid for it, my gift was making room).


Anyway, I was cleaning up her entire walk-in closet that weekend, taking out the old and un-used stuff, keeping the new, trying out her clothes and making a to-go pile ,when something wrapped in clothes dropped and when I looked down it was a sex toy, She walked in about the same time and I am not sure who was more embarrassed, but I turned to her to apologise, when I noticed the tears running down her face….


She took my hand dragged me to the bed and she said simply, he won’t touch me, He is a fantastic man, provides, works hard, brings home the bacon, spoils me but he won’t touch me.  I try to initiate sex, but he has excuses for days, he is fasting, tired, had a long day at work, stressed (yeah right, or he is probably having enough of it outside or something, I thought).


We kept talking, well I actually just listened but eventually she said, she didn’t get married a virgin but he was, they never discussed sex before marriage, they just knew they would wait, she could never ask for more because he would look at her funny and every time she initiated sex, the response was “do you think of anything else”? So instead she got herself a few toys, it was Afterall better than seeking satisfaction outside.


She is 15 years older, so I really could not compare my crush’s and college boyfriend to this, I could not even judge her ,what did I know? this was big people problems, so I hugged her and told her what I knew, I said talk to him, if he is half the person you say he is, he will listen.


This is not fiction, these things happen, to a lot more people than you think. So I thought to ask you married sisters an honest question today;


Are you having sex? Are you so busy with the babies that you don’t have time to satisfy him? Does hubby give you a look when you initiate sex? have you found alternative ways to please yourself? Is hubby always fasting or tired? Are you team headache for days or school runs in the morning or team pretend to sleep gang or team once a year?


Today I came to do the Lord’s work and to remind you that sex is beautiful and dutiful, sex is good and is of God but even better there is a whole page dedicated to sex with real experts who know a lot about these things and if you are like me and you “like bad things”


hit the follow and subscribe button

@wholesomesexuality on Instagram and YouTube, if you ask them nicely they might give you a free consultation (until we start to bill you)


The other thing I want you to do, is to grab hubby and get him to watch Pastor K’s  latest video on YouTube (25 wrong mindsets about sex) just click here, there is also a part 2 so make sure you watch this too, I promise you its so good and you will learn a thing or two.

Maybe it won’t fix the problems but I am sure it will spark the right conversations and that is a good place to start.

So sis Uche after all the celebrating we celebrated you yesterday, please go and do the do you promised to Do.


ok bye!!


love and light





23 thoughts on “Are You doing the Do?

  1. And we shall take that, which is for us. And leave that which is for the married for them 🚶🚶🚶🚶🚶🚶


  2. Wowww, was lost for words a few good minutes after reading this. This is deep ooo, we the upcoming wives need to do better God being our helper. ❤️🙏


  3. I reserve my comment eventhou it’s checking me! This doing things eeeh.. anyways, let’s leave it for our married sisters🙄
    Disemi, pls stop making my thoughts to sin, I have been washed by the blood of the lamb🙇‍♀️
    And sister Uche, pls go and do your do😎
    Bye bye 👋


      1. Your words are so engaging and real, like I can practically imagine the story playing out. That’s one striking thing about PM, u love the realness and the simplicity of living and loving on Jesus


  4. Thank you so much for this dear. It a bitter truth and most times we believers always feel like sex education before marriage is sinful then we marry and almost die in silence. God help me i will not perish for lack of knowledge. 🙏🏾🙏🏾


  5. Wowwwww
    This was a good read
    Thank you for this word of knowledge
    Some conversations should definitely be had before marriage.


  6. Thank you JESUS
    And I’ll be facing my front cuz who I be
    Married to Jesus geng
    Just taking notes on the side with one eye and passing by
    Thank you Sister Desi


  7. I think the issue, also, is that we don’t have enough spaces to learn about purity beyond “waiting for marriage”. Then there’s flames on the other side of I do because we think some of the the Dos are not holy. But I’m only a kid 😂 what do I know? 🤷🏾‍♀️


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