LET’S LINK UP – CHISOM

Ladies, I try. I promise you, I do. But it becomes clearer to me every day that maintaining friendships as an adult is a different kind of assignment entirely. Everyone is just busy, married, and exhausted. It’s sad to think about sometimes.

For months now, my friends, like my real gees and I have been trying to link up and catch up. I tell you, monthssss, and we have all been unable to get ourselves to. Inside this same Lagos o. Let me even tell you people what happened on our group chat.

Friend 1:  Chisom, when you come for the meet, abeg you will help me do a video

Friend 2: Hahahahaha, I go give you 5k if Chisom show.

I couldn’t even be offended because friend 1 would have gotten that 5k, neat! Not because I didn’t want to go, but….

Meeting up and catching up now requires scheduling like doctor’s appointment. All we do now is share memes on Instagram and sometimes we don’t even comment, we just ‘react’.  Even our good ol’whatsapp is being taken from us.

Small hello you will send to your buddy, next thing you will see is

“Thank you for contacting Akweke and Bros. We are currently unavailable to respond. Please leave a message and a customer service representative will respond to you as soon as possible.” .

Oga, I was only trying to catch up, that’s all.

And sometimes I’m this ‘Oga’ too.

I saw something in an episode of THE CHOSEN series sometime ago and I’ve not been able to shake it off.

See? Even Jesus understands that this assignment is important, but the question is how? Abi is it just me?

How do you keep the joints greased in this thing called friendship?

Sincerely a concerned young girl trying to adult in Lagos,

Chisom.

40 thoughts on “LET’S LINK UP – CHISOM

  1. Mehnnnnnnn it is becoming increasingly difficult to stay connected, physically especially. More so, as a phleg lady just not ready for the stress being outside in Lagos can bring, it is even more trying. What I have learnt to do and am still working on, is being intentional about sticking to laid out plans. God help us all o. Adulting can be such a scam though!

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      1. I think staying in touch isn’t always about the number of times we ‘see’.
        once your friend comes to mind a simple voice note can do the work and if time permits for a call by all means dial the number

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    1. are you okay with the way things are though? do you like being by yourself , cos I am lonely. having the friends is my own issue, how do I start?

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      1. how to start:
        – simple greeting with a smile
        – start a conversation
        – most important rule of thumb for someone trying to start keeping friends is everyone cannot be your friend

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    2. Hmmmm!!!!!!! How do you intentionally make up plans and stick to it??? Just listened to PM not quite long in Praying with PM and I asked my self,how can I even do this? Take that step and stick to my plan? PLS OHHH HOW U TAKE DO AM if na this one u go take understand me well pls.

      Thanks.

      @sis Chisom,i gree u

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  2. This is so true. I agree with Dchyni though. I try to be intentional in scheduling dates to link up with friends and stick to the date unless “a matter of life and death” comes up. Even if it’s once a month, it’s worth it 👌

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    1. Mmmmmm..ok. But there are cases where, when you are ready, life then happens to them and they can’t make it. And you are supposed to undertstand because that other time you could not make it, they understood. Next thing, we understand o and 14 months will pass.

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  3. Well, it’s absolutely important to be very intentional about just anything you set out to do! So as adults we just need to be more intentional about keeping friendships and staying in touch.

    Secondly, for mental health sake, you need to company of your friends to rubb minds, share thoughts and feel lighter, because truthfully we are swamped up in our own world.

    I believe if you put all these in mind one will be more conscious about it.

    God help us😊

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  4. Been intentional is the key word.

    Mental health is also very important, meeting with our friends should be therapeutic for everyone.

    We are often swamped in our own world, forgetting that gisting and rubbing minds with friends can often lift some burdens off our minds.

    God help us.

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  5. Love this write up, Chisom.

    It’s even more sad that young single ladies like me still find it difficult to link up with friends. But this is the sign to do better so help me God 😬🙆🏾‍♀️🤲🏾

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  6. Nobody even has time for anyone this days, even on social media is still hard, but the bond is still there when you finally meet. Friendship is a beautiful thing and it supposed to be nurtured. God will help us

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  7. This is especially true for me, because I find it increasingly difficult to communicate via social media these days. I’m such a yunno: “when we see, I’ll drop all the gist that’s been happening” cause it’s sweeter that way. Shey I wan dey cry over the phone? How will you hold me??!

    So there’s this sort of disconnect online, and the bridge keeps getting wider the longer we go without seeing ourselves. It’s exhausting tbh. 😭

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  8. It was a nice piece but I’ll also like to say that if people matter to you, they’ll come to your mind and if they come to your mind, you’ll have a second for them. Maybe you might not “hang out” but what if your friends are in other states. My siblings have always been my best friends, and we always find time to call each other during weekends and all. I think you can also find time to drop a message if you have time to touch your phone during the day😉. The most important thing is that you keep in touch with friends. Everyone understands that everyone is busy but we all have to find the time right🙌. It’s not like we work 365 days of the year so…..

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  9. This right here is one of the reasons we have so many mental health issues abroad. Because, we all seem to be too busy to check up on each other making some so lonely and depressed.
    For me, I think that if you truly care for someone, you’d make out time for them. If you don’t see them in person, you can always make it up through phone calls and msgs. It really takes nothing to drop msg. Be it chat or audio.
    I haven’t seen my family for years but we catch up and relate like we’re all in same room. Make it a priority and see easy it will seem cos it’s not actually easy to be honest. You can start by making lists of the people you really wanna catch up with; just like an appointments. Try calling them once every week and do msgs. Send audio msgs, videos, keep dates and you won’t feel the vacuum that much.
    If you’re in same town/city with them, biko make out time and visit. Let’s value friendship.

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  10. It’s the accuracy for me. We actually do need friends because doing this adulthood thing can be overwhelming. For me being committed and intentional is key. Random meaningful phone calls really go a long way. Hangouts are good as well but where It’s difficult fixing one because of tight schedules then we can make good use of technology. Video calls, texting and phone calls with a friend might just be what would brighten their day. What you nuture grows, it’s the same for friendships, it’s not easy but with commitment, effort and intentionality we can all be better friends .

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  11. True that Chisom
    Hmmm everyone has actually said what I wanted to say and that is being intentional, interestingly Mama talked about friendship today on her podcast and it was like a wake up call to me, well lemme say what I usually do, so when the thought of my friend comes to my mind, I immediately pick up my phone and send a message or I’ll just call and tell the person that I thought of you and decided to call, cos I know that meeting physically is great but while we are still trying to plan how we would go out together to spend time together, we can be communicating online and making the most of it so that it won’t be like we aren’t on the same page or something, because people are really tbh😩
    But Heyyyyyyy Chisom🤗 how are you doing? I’ve missed you oh, so much❤️ I’ve missed viewing your very creative IG story🥰 and I can’t wait to see you again soon💃
    Thank you for your engaging blogposts❤️

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    1. Hi Lizzy baby ❤️❤️❤️❤️. I’ve missed you too. Abi o.. We will manage phone calls and texting until we can meet up. But why are we all so busy 😭😭😭. Is this how it was in our parent’s time? P. S: IG stories are up o.. Lol

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      1. To be honest I don’t know why we are so busy though🤔😩
        I don’t think this is how it was in our parents time, they were more focused and there was less distractions and they didn’t even have phones so they basically had to see each other to communicate and so on, but ha! it’s well oh
        We will find a way around it lol
        And sorry I forgot to write why I said I was missing your IG story, I’ve not been on IG for some weeks now, I decided to take time off cos it was a big distraction plus I’m preparing for my exams, so yeah that’s why I said I was missing your stories🥰🤗🥺

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  12. Chisom where is the lie in this thing you just blogged about. No lies whatsoever. I think the solution is communication. Not necessarily physical meetup. These days everyone is trying to make money so for everyone “no time” is the usual excuse. Just checking in with a “hello” or “hi” works for me. Meanwhile thanks for engaging us.

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    1. Yhhh.. True. But we’ve really adapted to no physical contact shaa… It’s really sad. Human touch once once from your friends does the soul a lot of good.

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  13. I’ve gone through these comments and I think everyone has said everything that is on my mind. I’ve really thought about how I’ve lost friends in the past just because of lack of communication.
    I know some people understand and you can always meet up or call after months and catch up but I’ve come to realize that friendship is no longer in the quantity but the quality of it. And also learning to group your friendships so you don’t burn out. I have my best friends, close friends and acquaintances and we are all on mutual on this so we know what to expect of each other. And really it takes the Help of the Holy Spirit to keep up with friendships. That’s really one of the conversations I’ve had with my best friends this year because we are graduating soon and we know we might not be in the same steps so what next so we are planning ahead of time and really only Hoping on God to help us. But one thing I know is that true friendships would always stand the test of time. And yes there is the place of being intentional, reaching out once someone comes to mind, I’m particularly that epistle writer and in my friendships so I write to my friends once once telling them how much they mean to me and also asking God to help me be a good friend to them. Also being selfless helps, we focus on romantic relationships and read books on how to love our partners but our friends too have love languages and if that friendship is important even if the person will understand sometimes it’s okay to make sacrifices and go all out for that one friend even if it means climbing the roof and taking out the roof. If that friendship is worth fighting for then it’s okay to go all out once once to make it work. Clear your schedule, plan girls trip, take Spa dates, go on date with your girls, if you won’t cancel on a romantic partner then don’t cancel on your friend. So now I leave you with the question How important is that friendship and is it really worth climbing the roof for it? 😊😊😊😊

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    1. Because I believe we become more intentional when it becomes more important to us.
      This is one thing I’ve learnt
      And also is that person really your friend?

      It’s also important we know this things too
      Friendship is really something very delicate to me and I try so much to learn and study my friends.

      I see how not being together for so long affects us and really putting in the effort helps

      Also have a To do list of Friendship check in
      Let me say that this works so much

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    2. In it all
      I’m grateful for this blog
      Thank you so much Chisom for sharing
      These are real life issues that Nobody talks about
      And I wonder if our parents generation had these issues with friendship or were they just winging it

      Thinking about it I really don’t think most of them payed attention to these things
      God would help us all
      Amennnnn

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  14. Its so hard. My besfriend and i havent met for two years we only chat. We even find it offensive when a person who is not close to us asks for a date..like dont they understand that we are busy ?

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  15. Hmmmmmmmmmmm This is soooo TRUEEEE. I thought am the only one caught in the web of activities…. omo we definitely have to be intentional towards lubricating the friendship else it would wear away and we could be lonely towards the evening of our lives.

    Thanks for bring it up Sommy.

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