It feels good to have another opportunity to write about some life changing experiences I have had in JUGN meetings. Reading the remarkable testimonies of women just like me these past days have inspired me to reflect deeply and count my blessings.
You would agree with me that it is easier to brace yourself and keep going when you see your contemporaries share their personal battles and ground breaking victories, all thanks to God’s precious promises.
Thank God for His Word. And thank you Pastor M, for this.
2016 was that year that I had to painfully accept that my body couldn’t handle the dawn to dusk work lifestyle of Lagos. It was always breaking down. Sometimes, I endured the pains by faith. At other times, I took medications to cope until I couldn’t any more. I would cry out to God for help. And He would heal me. But shortly after a few mosquito bites, eating out and small stress, we are back to square one.
I wasn’t even inspired to submit any resumes anywhere. I was just there and all I wanted was for God to meet my needs, heal my body and let me enjoy life …
In my private times, I would remember amazing prophecies I had received many years ago as a young girl. I was told that I was going to be a kingdom financier, a writer of repute, and a minister of the Word. Hallelujah!! 🙌 🙌
But, there I was many years after, laying on the bed jobless and broke, wondering in which lifetime God was planning on getting those things done.
I was just tired of waiting. Reminds me of an old but evergreen post Mama wrote on that subject, Patiently Waiting (Hannah’s Heart). Totally, life changing.
I often wept freely in some of the Just Us Girls Meetings. At the time, I reasoned that since it was a women only event, God was a bit closer than usual. And that meant to me that He would finally get to attend to me. I used to feel so distant from Him on my own.
Immediately after such meetings, I would put my aloof cloak back on and go on minding my business, which was no business at all, really. I felt very ill-equipped to get involved in any kind of service in church. ‘God, come through for me.’ my heart cried.
Because I was too preoccupied with my own needs to serve or give, I had very little motivation to ask God for anything. I felt unqualified for His blessings. I wasn’t conscious of the covenant at all. I could only hope that God would remember the good old days and decide have mercy on me, small.
At home, i worried and daydreamed a lot. I hardly ever prayed. Prayer would mean that i had to talk. But, I was too tired inside to bother. So, I thought about God instead, and sparingly to Him. Of course, naturally after services, I was the first person outside the door. I was comfortable in my familiar, sad and miserable company.
I can’t quite remember how I came for that particular When Women Worship 2016 meeting tagged Warrior in Heels.
But, I was there and I was enthralled. The worship was outerworldly as with all things DCC was and is to me.
The guest minister was dishing out the Word so accurately, and in the same breath was making my life very very uncomfortable. I know her now as Pastor Debola Deji Kurumi.
She was speaking my language and speaking to my questions. But, it wasn’t pleasant what i was hearing. God used her words like a hammer, to deal fatal blows to my mental strongholds.
I couldn’t believe that she was telling me to do something about my life. How could she? She was forcing me to take responsibility. For what? She had no idea how much I had been and was living through or how much I had endured or the things that I had even rebelliously brought on myself.
There I was at a limbo, totally oblivious to the world around me, and I was being told that I was responsible for where I was. It was hard to swallow. But, this our God is an expert builder,
He, first of all, set me up with hope-stirring prophecies in that meeting to which I shouted the loudest AMEN to. And as soon as He got me relaxed and my spirit open, He went to work on my wrong mindsets.
The Word began to hit me…
- There is a type of woman you need to become in other to handle the type of destiny that God has called you to
- What you are going through is no excuse to go around with a foul attitude. Remember Abigail.
3. God said it, I believe it and that settles it, doesn’t cut it… What??!
My whole life of waiting on God had been founded on that ideology. But, she continued…
4. Yes, God has said it and you believe it. But, you must also embrace it, meditate on it, confess it, declare it, insist on it, war with it and enforce it until it comes to pass literally in your life.
That was pure news to me. She went on to emphasize that my passivity was unacceptable and inexcusable, and that I needed to get involved urgently.
HE WHO willfully separates and estranges himself [from God and man] seeks his own desire and pretext to break out against all wise and sound judgment.
Proverbs 18:1 AMPC
Let me not talk about the warfaring strategy of a godly character.
By now, you can tell that I was quite deficient in that too at the time, can’t you? But, of course! How could I have good character when I don’t relate well with the brethren? Actually, I didn’t even relate at all.
My excuses for not getting involved were well-constructed and justified in my own eyes.
But, they all had holes by the end of that meeting. I left the dome that day a different person. I dreamed again of who I desired to be. I knew I had to get out of my own self and say hello to my world again, for starters. I also learnt that there was more to life than my own overblown personal issues.
After that meeting, I gradually began to say YES to small small tasks that came my way in my department in church.
I started going out of my way in little ways to obey my leaders. I quit overthinking things and just started doing them.
And today, when someone walks up to me to share something or slides into my private chat to talk through an issue, I smile.
If I hadn’t encountered the Word the way I did that day,
and begun my Christian walk again, I wonder what would have become of them and me.
I must add that I wasn’t so eager to get married that year 😁. I had realised that I needed some character and attitude overhauling, so I don’t “Nabalize” God’s gift to me – my husband when he comes. But,of course, I’m ready now.
At the end of the day, before the promises started becoming personal to me and I knew what to do with them, God had to get through to me, first.
It was not mechanical. He smashed the strongholds, broke into my self-preserving personal prison to let me out into Himself and His family again. Indeed, you can be in church and not be in church.
Just Us Girls Naija has been a thorough blessing to me.
Lots of Love,