How have you been? What a roller coaster week it’s been for me. I must confess I love being so busy and so productive but sometimes my body just says ENOUGH!!! It’s on the verge of saying that to me now but I really can’t abandon you this week.
Yes, Yummy mummies I know I abandoned you last week and I will make up for it this week but last week my spirit, soul and body just exited work mode into full rest mode. I just suddenly became allergic to my blog. If I didn’t know better I would think I had a bun cooking but seeing as I am an obedient child of God and a doer of the word I’m sure there are only 2 nations in my womb and seeing as the 2 nations and my exceeding abundant far above free gift baby have all been delivered, I’m sure I just needed to rest.
Like I said I owe you ladies, and I will pay.
So for the average young woman in Nigeria once you get into your mid twenties all you hear is …
They literally bundle you off once you hint there’s a guy who… with a list of to- dos for the wedding
but hey pastor M to the rescue. I’m here to tell you what Nobody Tells You About Marriage.
So here goes…
Nobody tells you …
1. Your Husband will expect to be treated like a king – nobody tells you that the guy who has literally worshipped the ground you walk on for the last few years of courtship will suddenly realize he is king of the castle and the king must be worshipped. No one tells you that no matter how much you do if he doesn’t feel respected you have scored absolutely NO points. Yes, I know he’s your friend and you think you can talk to him anyhow but trust me you are about to see another side of him in marriage. How else will you explain both of you having a long day at the office and you both get home at the same time, you bathe the kids and put them to bed … exhausted. Then you see him seated on the couch playing video games and the next thing you hear is “what’s for dinner?” Sometimes it’s even much more than a meal he’s asking for.
Most times you will plaster a smile on your face – fake or not and move into the kitchen to perform miracles. Why? Because the “king” must be revered. If you are married to a considerate man I bless God for you but if you are not, honey just quietly move into the kitchen ‘cos you chose him sugar.
Please note I said your husband will expect to be treated like a king whether you decide to or not is your prerogative but he will expect it and a wise woman knows that keeping him feeling like a king will affect his productivity and inevitably your marriage.
I’m not in any way implying that you as a woman are a slave or his subject. Perish the thought! Oh no! I’m simply telling you that respect is a major need for a husband. He may overlook it in courtship but in marriage maybe because familiarity can set in you may need to work harder to make him feel special and watch him treat you better.
2. Marriage is hard work – Trust me harder than you can imagine. Funny enough contrary to what we think most of the work will be on yourself. You don’t see this one coming. It totally blindsides you. You start out with the princess treatment; a ring on your finger, a tiara on your head, everyone standing as you walk into the hall and then end up with a broom, a dustpan and a pot? I’m kidding … but not really because actually that’s what usually happens isn’t it?
But that’s not really the work I’m talking about. Marriage will wring you inside out and hang you out to dry.
and love scripture in the Bible.
3.Sometimes marriage can be lonely – yes very… because the person you are married to will sometimes need time alone and believe it or not away from you. Some other times you will be mad at him or upset by something he did or did not do and you will have no one to talk to about it. Some other times you will just not be speaking the same language. If the person supposed to be in your corner doesn’t get you it can be so lonely. Nobody tells us this. They make it seem as if you will always want to talk to each other or be around each other, not true! So not true!!!
My pk and I are almost always together but when he wants to be alone or with the guys playing snooker or tennis I don’t begrudge him that. In fact I’ve learnt to give him opportunities to miss me. Was I always the super cool “oh! My husband needs alone time” not a big deal wife? No!!! I had to learn it. In the beginning he was my life. Everything I did revolved around him. He was my friend, my project, my pastor, my everything until I realized how lonely it felt when he went off to do other things without me. He had a life; I didn’t.
I had to make adjustments. I began to live. I became busier doing the things I liked and discovering myself. I didn’t feel deserted anymore. I had gist for him when he got back or surprise surprise when I got back. I got back to being a woman on a mission, with purpose and I became a whole lot more attractive.
5. Your husband cannot make you happy – I know this isn’t what you would like to hear but it’s the truth. You will be rudely shocked if you expect to find your happiness in your husband. In fact this is my reaction to you if you have been complaining about how your husband doesn’t make you happy.
Listen to me your husband is not created to give you happiness. No human being is. That’s too much responsibility to put on any one human being. Jesus is the only one that can give you happiness and meet all your needs and even he had to die first.
God has to be the source of your joy. Don’t wait for your husband to make you happy. Happiness is not a destination; it’s a decision
6. Every marriage will have tests …you get one too. Yes, every single marriage will have a test. Even though I may have an amazing husband who I sometimes still don’t believe is human, I’m still searching for his wings by the way,we still had our own bout of tests. We had to believe God to move us from poverty to prosperity. Then we also had to believe God for children. The financial and infertility test have broken many marriages but we stuck together. It’s not the test that’s the issue. It’s how you handle the test that determines whether it will end up being a testimony. but tests? You will definitely have them. Sadly sometimes your husband may even be the test. For some women it’s a season of bad friends, adulterous relationships, scandals, mismanagement of Funds, spiritual laxity, etc but tests will arise. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. It may even be a character test on your patience, controlling your tongue, kindness, or the major one that I personally think no one escapes in marriage – FORGIVENESS. Settle it once and for all: THERE WILL BE A TEST …and if you pass, inevitably A Testimony.
Okay ladies I’m out. I know there are a lot of other things no one tells us but let’s start with these. Who knows I may just end up doing a part II, III, or even IV.
Sorry ladies slept off before I could put it up. Now off to do a long post (hopefully) for the Yummy mummies who have been so patient with me. I love you and I pray that your testimonies will come sooner than you expect.
Love you guys.