What Nobody Tells You …

Hey ladies

How have you been? What a roller coaster week it’s been for me. I must confess I love being so busy and so productive but sometimes my body just says ENOUGH!!! It’s on the verge of saying that to me now but I really can’t abandon you this week.

Yes, Yummy mummies I know I abandoned you last week and I will make up for it this week but last week my spirit, soul and body just exited work mode into full rest mode. I just suddenly became allergic to my blog. If I didn’t know better I would think I had a bun cooking but seeing as I am an obedient child of God and a doer of the word I’m sure there are only 2 nations in my womb and seeing as the 2 nations and my exceeding abundant far above free gift baby have all been delivered, I’m sure I just needed to rest.

Like I said I owe you ladies, and I will pay.

So for the average young woman in Nigeria once you get into your mid twenties all you hear is …

Marry !



Your mum, her friends, aunties, even neighbors have only one chorus 

They literally bundle you off once you hint there’s a guy who… with a list of to- dos for the wedding

one week and you realize you are clueless. It suddenly feels like this is a set up …

but hey pastor M to the rescue. I’m here to tell you what Nobody Tells You About Marriage. 

So here goes…

Nobody tells you …

1. Your Husband will expect to be treated like a king – nobody tells you that the guy who has literally worshipped the ground you walk on for the last few years of courtship will suddenly realize he is king of the castle and the king must be worshipped. No one tells you that no matter how much you do if he doesn’t feel  respected you have scored absolutely NO points. Yes, I know he’s your friend and you think you can talk to him anyhow but trust me you are about to see another side of him in marriage. How else will you explain both of you having a long day at the office and you both get home at the same time, you bathe the kids and put them to bed … exhausted. Then you see him seated on the couch playing video games and the next thing you hear is “what’s for dinner?” Sometimes it’s even much more than a meal he’s asking for.

Your next move will determine the outcome of your marriage. Lol!

Most times you will plaster a smile on your face – fake or not and move into the kitchen to perform miracles. Why? Because the “king” must be revered. If you are married to a considerate man I bless God for you but if you are not, honey just quietly move into the kitchen ‘cos you chose him sugar.

Please note I said your husband will expect to be treated like a king whether you decide to or not is your prerogative but he will expect it and a wise woman knows that keeping him feeling like a king will affect his productivity and inevitably your marriage.

I’m not in any way implying that you as a woman are a slave or his subject. Perish the thought! Oh no! I’m simply telling you that respect is a major need for a husband. He may overlook it in courtship but in marriage maybe because familiarity can set in you may need to work harder to make him feel special and watch him treat you better.

2. Marriage is hard work – Trust me harder than you can imagine. Funny enough contrary to what we think most of the work will be on yourself. You don’t see this one coming. It totally blindsides you. You start out with the princess treatment; a ring on your finger, a tiara on your head, everyone standing as you walk into the hall and then end up with a broom, a dustpan and a pot? I’m kidding … but not really because actually that’s what usually happens isn’t it?

But that’s not really the work I’m talking about. Marriage will wring you inside out and hang you out to dry.

It is so emotionally and spiritually draining. There are days you just want to scream, kick and bite but the Holy Spirit is having none of that. He’s taking you through every submission

and love scripture in the Bible.

You want to complain about all the things your husband is doing but he would rather talk to you about all you are doing wrong and how you need to be a wise woman.

And just so you know the work never ends! 

3.Sometimes marriage can be lonely – yes very… because the person you are married to will sometimes need time alone and believe it or not away from you. Some other times you will be mad at him or upset by something he did or did not do and you will have no one to talk to about it. Some other times you will just not be speaking the same language. If the person supposed to be in your corner doesn’t get you it can be so lonely. Nobody tells us this. They make it seem as if you will always want to talk to each other or be around each other, not true! So not true!!!

My pk and I are almost always together but when he wants to be alone or with the guys playing snooker or tennis I don’t begrudge him that. In fact I’ve learnt  to give him opportunities to miss me. Was I always the super cool “oh! My husband needs alone time” not a big deal wife? No!!! I had to learn it. In the beginning he was my life. Everything I did revolved around him. He was my friend, my project, my pastor, my everything  until I realized how lonely it felt when he went off to do other things without me. He had a life; I didn’t.

I had to make adjustments. I began to live. I became busier doing the things I liked and discovering myself. I didn’t feel deserted anymore. I had gist for him when he got back or surprise surprise when I got back. I got back to being a woman on a mission, with purpose and I became a whole lot more attractive.

5. Your husband cannot make you happy – I know this isn’t what you would like to hear but it’s the truth. You will be rudely shocked if you expect to find your happiness in your husband. In fact this is my reaction to you if you have been complaining about how your husband doesn’t make you happy.

Okay that’s unfair but I’m telling you my dear you are wasting your time. It will just be a whole lot of activity, stress  and more unhappiness if you keep searching for it in your husband

in the end nothing to show for it but more effort 

Listen to me your husband is not created to give you happiness. No human being is. That’s too much responsibility to put on any one human being. Jesus is the only one that can give you happiness and meet all your needs and even he had to die first.

God has to be the source of your joy. Don’t wait for your husband to make you happy. Happiness is not a destination; it’s a decision

Your happiness is not lost neither is it the responsibility of your husband. It’s in who you are, what you do everyday….

6. Every marriage will have tests …you get one too. Yes, every single marriage will have a test. Even though I may have an amazing husband who I sometimes still don’t believe is human, I’m still searching for his wings by the way,we still had our own bout of tests. We had to believe God to move us from poverty to prosperity. Then we also had to believe God for children. The financial and infertility test have broken many marriages but we stuck together. It’s not the test that’s the issue. It’s how you handle the test that determines whether it will end up being a testimony.  but tests? You will definitely have them. Sadly sometimes your husband may even be the test. For some women it’s a season of bad friends, adulterous relationships, scandals, mismanagement of Funds, spiritual laxity, etc but tests will arise. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. It may even be a character test on your patience, controlling your tongue, kindness, or the major one that I personally think no one escapes in marriage – FORGIVENESS. Settle it once and for all: THERE WILL BE A TEST …and if you pass, inevitably A Testimony.

Okay ladies I’m out. I know there are a lot of other things no one tells us but let’s start with these. Who knows I may just end up doing a part II, III, or even IV.

Sorry ladies slept off before I could put it up. Now off to do a long post (hopefully) for the Yummy mummies who have been so patient with me. I love you and I pray that your testimonies will come sooner than you expect.

Love you guys.

14 thoughts on “What Nobody Tells You …

  1. THANK YOU!!!!!!! I have heard this before but reading it is a reminder. PM, one more thing, please don’t stop here, tell us more. I’ll be patiently waiting for next week’s post. God bless you

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Gosh, someone should have told us before we went “happily ever after”. Lol. But I learned… and the hard way too. The toughest for me was accepting M wasn’t there to make me happy. We had fights about it and I told him he was “irresponsible” for not accepting his “responsibility” to make his wife happy. Lol. Crazy times. I know better now, so so better.

    Still, I am thankful I got a “not a bad deal” man. He thinks of me and that makes stuffs easier.

    But… I’m off to invite my sisters here. My friends too and if there are enemies, them too. We girls need to know this… even if it is after we’d said “I do” and made all the mistakes.

    Pastor M, a part 2, 3 and possibly 4 is needed.

    Thanks, dear lady.


  3. Read part 2 first… was blown!
    Reading this now, I’m like, I have a lot to comment on…
    but point 2
    “…You don’t see this one coming. It totally blindsides you. You start out with the princess treatment; a ring on your finger, a tiara on your head, everyone standing as you walk into the hall and then end up with a broom, a dustpan and a pot…”got me laughing and crying at the same time… Can’t we call this ‘from grace to grass’? [I kid!]
    God bless you Pastor M…

    Liked by 1 person

  4. The scary part was about the person supposed to be in your corner not getting you. Please tell me that exceptions abound. All the others are not really a big deal for me {when you’ve been single for 32 years, your head’s been pretty much dislodged from the clouds for ages}, but! If my husband joins the rest of the world in ‘not getting me ‘, then what was now the point of marrying him?


    1. Not getting you is not the same thing as being against you darling. Your husband can be your best friend and yet not get you one bit.
      My husband and I don’t always see things the same way amongst many other reasons because
      1. We are different sexes- he’s male and I’m female
      2. We are different temperaments- he’s sanguine and I’m melancholy
      3. We were raised by different parents.
      However we have never had a fight, never quarreled and he’s still my best friend. Why?
      1. Because we know we are both on the same team. So even when we don’t see things the same way we both remember we are on the same side. Working for the same goal.
      2. We are both children of God filled with the Holy Spirit ruled by the Word of God – so no matter how we feel he does his best to love me and I do my best to respect him always
      3. We are friends – so we talk through everything. Sometimes he gets it at some other times he just shakes his head, laughs and says ” I don’t get it but if you think so that’s fine.” Of course he gives me a few glances that makes me know at that time he thinks I’m a weirdo but he’s on my side and he’s my weirdo.
      So my point here was that you may not always finish each other’s sentences or even agree on major points because he honestly doesn’t get what you are in about but even in those moments he can still be your very best friend.

      Marriage is great. At least mine is 😊 so I know there’s nothing to worry about sweetie.


      1. Oh okay. I understand now, ma.
        I have always wanted a blissful marriage, and listening to you and PK for the past 4 years has given me hope. This wait cannot be for nothing.

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Sincerely I am so glad and more appreciative of your recent trends of right ups, they are less centred around your hus….the Lord bless you Pastor mildred for this Writeup… very eye opening.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s