Awwww…. you came back! Yay!!! Okay so let’s not waste any time. Let’s get right to it but first let me say thank you for all the Love. Wow! I was so blown away with all the feedback I got on Wednesdays Are For Wives.
Over the years I’ve noticed that I’ve had to adapt and evolve in so many ways and that’s because I’ve gradually come to realize what my husband wants from me as his wife. And I don’t just mean good food and loads of great sex. (Very necessary too though)
I’m talking about the things that I find make his eyes light up even if he says nothing about it. Sadly when you get married nobody actually sits you down to tell you these things. They tell us to be patient, cook for him and be a good wife –I honestly wish I knew what that meant it would have made my life easier.
However with a lot of studying the word, listening to my husband’s need and hearing a lot of women’s complaints and a lot of men’s frustrations in counselling I came up with a list of things that have helped me fulfill my role as his MRS.
As I share them with you please note that as I said last week the Holy Spirit is still your key to keeping your husband a very happy man but this is me adding my two cents and giving you a checklist to keep at the back of your mind as you go about being a wife daily.
Every man needs his wife to be …
- Spiritual Enough to pray for him: I do not think you can be an effective wife to any man if you are not connected to God. Of course like I always say Marriage is not a REWARD it is an ASSIGNMENT. He is the assignment ; your mission is to help him be the man he was born to be. To help him achieve his purpose and fulfill his destiny. Honey, with that job description don’t you think you should be flat on your face? In my opinion, 75% of helping him will be in the place of prayer. When you pray for you husband your relationship gets better. He does better and your marriage is better. No man is born a husband it has to be learned so you need to pray that he’s surrounded by the right influences, that he stays on his God-ordained path for success,that he stays true to God and to you. There are so many things you can change in the place of prayer. You can generate power to be his wife and correct difficult situations. There is no reason under heaven why you should stop praying for your husband even when you are upset with him.
- Exciting Enough to play with him: every man needs a friend. Be your husband’s buddy. My husband and I are friends. We hang out, we gist, we travel together- we do stuff together. Interestingly I’m such a home body (a nice way of saying I can be boring) I rarely go out. A day of fun for me is a warm drink, a bowl of dried fruits and nuts, in bed surrounded by novels and chick flicks. Oh! What joy. Just thinking about it makes me happy. A holiday for me is looooooong lazy mornings with breakfast in bed, massages, long leisure walks, lots of shopping in malls not too crowded. But my husband on the other hand, (I’m still not sure how I ended up with him. He and God have to explain it to me someday) hmmm… If we haven’t done something crazy, wild and in my opinion life-threatening we haven’t had fun. He wants to ride power bikes, go bungee jumping, go skydiving, just name it. Thankfully after the Ferrari world experience at Abudhabi my husband was cured. That’s gist for another day. So now he has saner goals like watching live football matches at the stadium, riding fast cars with the top down,etc. I wouldn’t normally enjoy them but I find that the more I do them with him the closer we get because we get to spend time together and he is more open to doing the things I like to do too. If you’re going to have a happy marriage then move beyond “I’m not like that” “I don’t like football” to getting involved because in case you forgot even men had to learn about football they weren’t born with the knowledge. Be open to learning about new things especially if he finds them interesting. Be his friend. Everything else fades in marriage but the friendship you have will sustain you even years to come.
- Intelligent Enough to discuss with him: Yes, I know you’ve heard a million times that men are moved by what they see and that’s true …well kinda. You see, I believe that a good man may be attracted to you because of your shape but he will stay with you because you are sharp. My husband is always quick to remind me that an intelligent mind is so sexy. Even when the CHAYIL (proverbs 31) woman was described in the Bible, verse 11 and 12 says her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good , not harm, all the days of her life. I think this scripture is actually speaking of the woman being the kind of woman that can give good advice, make smart decisions and come up with intelligent plans. Men are largely intellectual beings so to keep him stimulated you need to develop your mind. The mind is such a powerful thing and the truth is we can never use it to full capacity but at least your husband should be able to discuss things with you and you have an opinion that’s actually worth hearing. How can you do this? Keep learning. Read a book, newspapers, Get off Instagram and Facebook listen to the news. Google something he said that you didn’t quite get. Pray for wisdom.
- Interesting Enough to inspire him : Let no one deceive you: there is nothing more beautiful than a woman living out her full potential; walking the path of purpose to fulfill her destiny. I am always the first to advice Wives – get to work!!! I know not every one will be a career woman or a business mogul but you must have something you are called to do. If you are called to be a stay at home mum who raises spiritual giants then honey get to praying. Don’t feel sorry for yourself or inferior. Hold your head high, and rock your assignment. Intercede for those kids till you can draw a clear map of their destiny so when you talk to your husband he will see the fire in your eyes and the passion from your heart. Don’t belittle what you have. Turn that home to your office. Get up and get to work. Have a plan. Do something that also challenges your husband to want to be all he can be as well. You must have a life besides just being called his wife. This may be a good place to ask yourself the identity question. Too many of us lose ourselves once we become wives. You become a nobody because you don’t know who you are any more and that becomes a problem in marriage because he married somebody not a nobody. Get a life, start writing, painting, taking pictures, cooking, baking, etc. stop with the pity parties- you will be surprised what can happen if you just try. Don’t get stuck in the “mummy and wife cycle”. It’s a trap guys. You need a life. You need to love your life. You need to be all you can be and be happy. A happy woman makes a happy wife.
- Beautiful Enough for him to show off: okay so even though I’ve gone on and on about how your mind is important let me tell you this: Man No Be God! He doesn’t see like God he looks on the outward not the heart. So my darling don’t let me lie to you looking good is important to your husband. Yes I know you have three babies all under five years old , you are breastfeeding, your life is busy you don’t have time to bother about how you look but honey none of those excuses hold water. If you look around you will find someone with your life who is handling it better and still looking hot. You should walk into a room and his eyes follow you. Before you even say it, I hear you : I know your husband is a christian and he’s not going to cheat on you praise God for you o! But my sister isn’t it unfair on him that the only reason he’s with you is Jesus? Let’s make it easy for him na Haba! ..but my husband is not complaining… wehdone ma! I know he’s not complaining but is he complimenting you? My friend, put down that hotdog and pick up some dumbbells. Get rid of that wrapper across the chest and get some sexy tees and bum shorts. Make an effort honey, Change that weave. Wash your hair. A little makeup never killed anyone. Take a bath before he gets home. Yes I know you are a nursing or stay at home mum but hey you are someone’s baby too and he wants to come home to a sexy wife. He deserves it.
So ladies you know there are a lot more tips so you’ll be back here next week right? Tell a friend too.
Gotta go. Pastor duty calls