Am I being unreasonable? Dilemma

Hi guys
Dilemma tuesday is here again
But before that here are the winners of the last dilemma “is this a test?” thankfully I had no hand in picking them. So if you don’t win, it wasn’t my fault or my choice.
Winners are:
1. Rotanna Onyedi
2. Beehivep
3. Nneka
Thanks guys you win Nathaniel Bassey ‘s latest CD “Son Of God”
Please call Bose on 08077714411 to redeem your prize

Now on to today’s dilemma
Dear Pastor M
I really don’t know why I’m asking you this as I already have a clue as to what you will say. I’m just throwing it  out there who knows you may say something different.

So I’m 27 and just recently got married. My husband and his ex girlfriend had a child together. The child is 2 years old. He has always taken responsibility for the child as in paying her bills.

The lady in question is planning to get married in March 2015 and has asked my husband to come and take his child as her soon to be husband refuses to raise another man’s child.

My husband wants us to take in the child but I have a problem with it. First of all, our marriage is still too young to have a child in it. Secondly, I think it’s unfair to be saddled with another woman’s responsibility.

Finally the child has sickle cell anaemia. Am I being mean? Am I being unreasonable? If she wants to start her life afresh just her and her husband. Why don’t I deserve a fresh start?

Please what do I do?
Okay guys there you have it.
It’s day 16


see you tomorrow

11 thoughts on “Am I being unreasonable? Dilemma

  1. Wow! I stopped at sickle cell anaemia! Was going to tell you to take in the child but handling an SS child takes an extra dose of care and patience which is hard to have for someone else’s child.your husband may not understand as it’s his child but it would be hard for you. But Seeing as your husband has already decided to take his child, you just have to pray and submit. Find out all you can about sickle cell and how to handle it. Know people who are SS but live ok lives. If you want peace in your home, you just have to deal! Extra Grace oh!!!


  2. Children are a gift from God be it biological, step, blended etc and I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason: you have a choice for the situation to make you better or bitter. When you decided to marry your husband, I believe that you also made a decision to build your lives together and at that point for him also included his child (your step child), so you knew that whatever happened, this child will be a part of that life although different from what and how you anticipated that to be. My dear, I would advise that you ask God for the grace and overwhelming love to take care of this child. It may not be an easy task granted that the child is SS and I know first hand the challenges but I also know that you can be the Miracle that this child receives in his/her lifetime. Our God is faithful and he has promised to not give us more that we can bear and as a Child of God you can be rest assured that God will keep his promise to that end. This child has come into your life, Jesus paid so much a price for us to pick and choose who we Love, we are a body of Christ regardless of the label of genotypes. Will keep you in prayers, more grace!!!


  3. Hhmmm!!! I know right, sometimes mama is so predictable, all I can think of, is her rolling her eyes behind one of her cute spectacles and my mind changes its mind about asking her certain things… however just so u can feel better, it’s ok to seek clarification, if there is a question, there is definitely an answer.

    Firstly I don’t think it’s too early in the marriage for you to have children(nne u are 27 not 21 your biological clock is not actually strolling o), if u got pregnant now, would u abort it?? If you wouldn’t then why do u think its too early to take care of a child who bears your last name?
    So the girl is giving up her rights to mother her child for a man and a chance at what she thinks is her happiness, but if u refused what makes you different from her. The only difference here is that the lady birth her and u well adopted her by marriage and u knew he had this child already, didn’t it ever occur to you that this could happen? (well this is that bridge u didn’t think u would cross soon)

    So the child is an SS, would it be easier if she was YOUR SS child, ok maybe
    but at the moment she is here, healthy, an innocent child in all this and she is just two.
    I think she is at an age, u can train, mould, teach and love and it wouldn’t be so hard. I would have a problem if she was 15 or older but she is still a baby and right now she needs all the love, attention and right upbringing and I think you can give her that.
    So yes it’s an ex, a reminder of your husband’s past, another woman’s baby but u won his heart, u got the ring, you are the ONE, his best friend, his future, the mother of his children, u might as well be the mother of his first child too (without the 9 months ishh). For one minute forget all the excuses, wwjd??
    Well what do I know, it’s easier said I know and I ain’t wearing the shoes but I like to believe this is what I would do and we can do all with christ’s strength anyway. All the best.


  4. The day you decided to marry your husband you two became one…meaning what is his is yours and yours is his. So that child is yours, becoming a mother is more than just conceiving and birthing. .. and you my dear is being given that opportunity of nauturing and mothering a child. Accept that opportunity with joy and raise your child with joy…


  5. Wow this a serious one…let leave the fact the baby is sickled cell for a moment. First things first you should have prepared for this even if it didn’t eventually happen, this was one of the possibilities you and your fiance ought to have discusssed before marriage…due to the part of the world we are, the chances that your husband will be the one to eventually raise him kid is very high because just like your husband’s ex husband to be refuses to take responsibility for another man’s child, this will be d stand of most men (not saying that’s right tho)…am really sorry you were prepared for this…but now that this is the case I don’t want you thinking d child is another woman’s responsibility because he is your husband’s responsibility as well whc invariably means he is your responsibility…. That’s how marriage works…you need to be strong and at the same time ask God to feel your heart with love for the child….i know it’s really hard to care for such a child but what he were yours wldnt you ve gone any length to do so. Ask God for love that will overcome all , ask Him for strength to deal with this as well…try finding out his medical history beforr now, if possible also try finding out how sickled cell children are cared for…and course never forget the role of the great physician himself, there is nothing he can’t do, so make sure he is your best friend….in order words what am saying is please be prepared, God will see you through in Jesus name, Amen


  6. Madame, u are not being unreasonable. I sure would react thesame way if I were in your shoes. That is because the whole thing would feel really sneaky to me. it at looks as if the boy’s mom had it all planned out and is trying to escape taking her responsibility. That being said however, the reality is that if you refuse to take the boy in, the one thing you should be ready for is watching the boy grow under unhealthy circumstances in his step dad’s house or worse, being abandoned at a relative’s place where most likely, if he is mismanaged especially with the situation of his health, might end up not living long. It is unfair for you to be saddled with this kind of responsibility, I know and believe you me, if I were you, I don’t think I’d be able to cope. In the end, I think it all boils down to these things- what would Jesus do? Would you be able to live with yourself if the boy ends up in the wrong hands? Is it absolutely impossible for you to take up this kind of responsibility(cuz my dear, if it is the boy should have atleast a grandma- aint nothing wrong with keeping him there and visiting him regularly, u could even have him over for the holidays). And finally, would your husband be cool with whatever decision you make cuz whether you like it or not, you are married to him and it is a life contract. Wish you the very best dear.


  7. I would legally take in the child. Maybe let my husbands mom take her and care for her while myself and my husband handle the financial implication. Take some time to get to know ourselves as husband and wife and also make concrete decisions concerning the child before she comes home to live with us.

    Children are a huge blessing from God and blessed is the man and woman whose quivers are full of them. I strongly believe that.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. You’re not being unreasonable. There are many sides to this huge coin you have in your hands.

    1. You have a right to a fresh start with your husband, alone…hello.

    2. What if the child was not an SS, will the mother give her up? Im not sure about that. She might just ask an elderly relative to take care in the interim.

    3 You should have the right to reject another woman’s responsibility. Why inherit her mistake?

    4. When the child starts having occasional crises, your human nature can unintentionally become resentful and even rub it in your husband’s face saying “when you people were enjoying the baby making process, I no dey there o, na me go come face the after math”.

    5.Your husband seems to me like a loving and responsible man who made a mistake with an irrational woman. Remember mistakes do happen and it could have come from your side as well.

    6. If you take in the child unlovingly, your husband will be sad. Also , if you decide to stand your ground and leave the child out the house, it wont make him happy.

    Now, the big question is do you really really reeeeally love your husband?Then, take his seed.

    I don’t know much about adoption laws but I suggest you legally give the ex an offer of complete adoption of the child, whereby she’ll have no access to the child both now and in the future. (so you can mould the child without interference). If you don’t have an elderly relative to help care for the child while you guys honeymoon, then get a care giver who can assist with childcare, so that you don’t feel burdened as you get used to the new addition in the family.

    Your friends /family members may consider you unreasonable to take in this child, but my dear most times, in order not to miss divine blessing, we need not be reasonable.


    1. If u take in this child, God wl bless u in an amazing way. God WL repay in a way dat wl surprise u mightily bcos d mother of d child is apparently abandoning the child. U are d most suitable saviour of ds child at d moment. Pls don’t shut d door of ur hrt against a child who needs ur help at ds time. One thing am absolutely sure of is if u help this child now, God wl pay u back with something really great. Get a nanny for d child. Ur husband shld foot d bill. The nanny wld take care of d child but u supervise d child’s welfare. God is taking it into record. Don’t deny the real mother visiting rights to d child.Pls just act like a true Christian in ds case – don’t deny d real mother any of her parental rights. Its not easy but if u follow all my appeal to u, it WL be a sweet smelling offering to God and he WL reward u. In fact, if u lay hold on God’s word for healing of sickle cell, d child wl be totally healed of sickle cell. Another option is I read in d papers dat there are now bone marrow transplants for sickle cell pple now whereby their sickle cell blood is replaced wt good blood , thereby eradicating d sickle cell. its a new recent breakthrough in medicine. This child needs ur help. Pls her for d sake of d Lord Jesus Christ.


  9. Just saw this link on my sisters bio so opened and saw it is an old post but I just thought to say my piece.
    There’s absolutely no God matter here because common sense was all that should have been used.
    Was this question of custody asked prior to marriage? However the answer swings, then you deserve who you marry including the baggage that comes with it.
    Cruel as I may sound, you should have considered this before marriage, particularly as PM has already said “marry well”.
    Meanwhile I hope your genotype is AA because it is wicked people that bring SS children to the world to suffer.


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