Should I Tell Her?

hello people

so due to popular demand, Dilemma Tuesday is back.
you get a chance to air your views and help out a sister
remember best comments get a prize. here’s the dilemma.???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Dear Pastor
I am a young girl of 22 years of age. I currently live with my elder sister and her husband because my parents are retired and in another state. my sister is responsible for paying my school fees and other basic needs. she is seven years older than I am so I am as close to her as one can be to a sister practically in another generation. she’s like a mother to me. I have been living with her for three years now and all was well….no. I cant really say that, all is not well. in the three years I have lived there my brother in law, her husband, has been trying to get me to sleep with him. I blew him off for a while until one day when he forced me to kiss him and we ended up with heavy petting. I was able to get away from him before he could actually do any more havoc and nothing has happened since then because i threatened to tell my sister but i never did. Early this year, one of my cousins also got admission into the same university and because my sister is very sweet and she lives in a big house, she allowed here move in. I suspected my brother in law may have been hitting on her but I wasn’t sure until I saw both of them coming out of the BQ of the house which is usually empty. when i asked my cousin, she said he took her there to show her the place in case she wanted to move out of the house but she looked like a cat that had been caught with a mouse tail sticking out of its mouth. Early this morning as I passed by to get some water from the kitchen, I passed by the visitor’s toilet and I heard some moaning. I guess in their passion they had forgotten to lock the door because as I turned the handle the door opened and I saw the most horrific sight ever, my brother inlaw and my cousin having sex. I am so confused. They have both been begging me not to tell my sister. my brother in law has even threatened to tell my sister that it was because he turned me down that I am making up stories about him. I am wondering should I tell her? what if I tell her and she doesn’t believe me? what if she does and I end up destroying her marriage? what if my cousin gangs up with my brother in law to tell lies about me? please I need your help. should I tell her or pray she catches them herself as I am sure they wont really stop as they claim?

okay guys, so what would you do if you were in her shoes?
lets get the comments rolling in .
take care.

17 thoughts on “Should I Tell Her?

  1. Tell them to stop. If u catch them again, make sure u get photographic evidence. With that u have d upper hand. Meanwhile, u need an exit strategy. That home is no longer safe for u as they can set u up. If u belong to a church family, open up to a godly lady of advanced age. Above all, keep praying for you n your sister. Cheers

  2. Personally, I’ve been involved in a case like this with my sister and her fiancé who cheats on her. She never believed me and at the end, I’m the enemy. So, warn them not to indulge again but at the same time, for your sisters sake, investigate. If you can get proof and send to her anonymously, GREAT! If not, forget it. He would find a way for you to be the evil person and create friction between you and your sister. By staying anonymous, you avoid being in the crossfire and give her the choice of what to do next.

  3. Yikes! This is a super messy one…my dear in this dilemma you find yourself your best allies are, prayers, evidence & caution . Before you make any move , go on your knees, ask God for direction and for protection against any form of false accusation. Secondly you must be super cautious because anything can happen. Keep your eyes, ears ,head alert. Look for someone you can trust in to confide in , preferably someone older, someone with unquestionable integrity, a person your sister holds inbhigh (you need a witness somewhat).

  4. Let’s just agree that u have already made the first mistake so u might burn some in the process… The process of telling her that is. Sin has its consequences sadly even when we have been forgiven.
    I would say tell the husband to ‘do the honours’ of telling his wife by himself but since dude is already threatening you, then I’ll say tell her.
    Yes you should absolutely tell her. Chances are that she already knows her hubby is unfaithful anyways tho of cos she doesn’t expect it to be right under her pretty nose.
    Tell her the truth. The entire truth plus your ‘mistake’.
    Isk it when the dude sets u up u will start protesting? Trust me, the situation u will find urself in will be worse than if u tell her NOW!!!
    Apologize profusely. I assume you have already asked God for forgiveness.
    Be sure to pray sha before you tell her. Hmmm. Tough one but the better way to go.
    You may wanna consider involving a more mature fam member maybe ur mom but if u don’t have anyone who is spiritually sound, do it alone.
    Now after you (or he) have/has told her, my darling, MOVE OUT before your sis even throws u out.
    I pray you find the strength and grace to cope with what happens afterwards. Amen.

  5. Yikes…this is a super sticky one…my dear in this dilemma you have found yourself, you best allies are; prayers, evidence & caution. Firstly, you need to get on your knees before you take any action , if you haven’t before now ask God for forgiveness for that one time you ended up heavy petting your brother in-law, then ask God for his mercy, also ask God to help you so that all this doesn’t get turned to your fault and ask for the wisdom on how to handle the situation. Secondly, confide in someone you can trust, preferably someone older, with unquestionable integrity , a person your sister holds in high regard.
    Be cautious, keep your eyes, ears , mind and head alert, anything can happen…
    Evidence is important, if you can get pictures, videos or a voice recording, pls get!….Most likely a voice recording on one those occasions they come begging you, or when your brother in-law is trying to blackmail you. Try to engage them in a discussion, one that will incriminate them. Make the conversation tows the line that will make it obvious & beyond every doubt they are the ones doing what’s not right.
    After all this is done ,tell your sister. Don’t let them get to her before you and even if they get to her first, make sure you have all this ready…in a nutshell act fast! I will be praying for you…Good luck

  6. First, na to set them up o! Act like I won’t tell and am fine with it, then find a way to make my sista catch them by herself ni o! Me sef go follow open mouth like say I dey see them for the first time *hand over face* I will make sure she finds out. She has to cos as randy as d guy is he prob has some STD or sumfin. Secondly babe has to move out asap before heavy petting turns to heavy rape! Lastly this cousin…she deserve beating o! Using the rod to drive out foolishness tinz

  7. She should not tell her sister rather she should tell her cousin to pack out of the house. She should threaten her that if she did not leave the house, she will tell her sister. This is because as long as the cousin is still in that house, it will still be happening .
    But she should be telling her sister to stop allowing relatives especially females or even girl friends from coming to spend the night. But still she should n’t let the cat out of the bag.
    Then she should just be praying for the sisiter and her family since there was no mention of whether the sister has had any child or not. Although this is not a reason for the husband to be cheating on the wife, but praying for the salvation of the husband can be helpful because there is nothing difficult for God to do .
    Also, she should speak to her sister into making sure that the whole family always prays together if they have not been doing so.

  8. Wow! If I was in her shoes. Firstly, I’ll allow God into the situation cos he’s the giver of wisdom and he’ll direct me on how to handle the situation. Secondly, I’ll encourage them to stop the act and believe they would even when they don’t look like it. Thirdly, I’ll try to find out how and why it all started. My sister may have contributed to it somehow (I guess). Then I’ll also encourage her to stay prayerful and give her family some attention if she’s not doing so. I believe somehow she would listen to this cos she’s my Sis! And most importantly I won’t break the sad news to her (at least not yet). Lastly, I’ll Seek for counsel from a matured christian or probably a minister in my Church. Then, on staying safe due to his threats, I’ll record some conversations we’ll be having on the issue cos they may somehow stop the act for a while. But if they haven’t, I’ll do a video instead, it seem easier than just snapping them (they may just hear the sound of the camera or see the flash while snapping) cos I wouldn’t want them to know anything about my plans. And most importantly I’ll NEVER STOP PRAYING and BELIEVING. I hope this helps. Thanks!!!

  9. hmmmmm, hmmmmmm, when it comes to husband and wife matter sha…..hmmmmm. Pray ooooo, then use wisdom. Get evidence. a pix or record when next u see them. Then 2 things, if u cant tell, get someone older to help. or if your sister is not the emotional type, with your evidence, tell her the whole story. And God help u from that point. Wo…e well o. hmmmmm.

  10. You should tell her notwithstandn wateva u fink will happen,you shud stand for the only need to pray so as to allow God make it go well.God will lead u.remember he isn’t a confusionist……….

  11. I would take her to see them in the act next time I catch them. Harsh though but that saves me from having to say it to her and have her disbelieve me

  12. First and foremost…plan your quick , geometric paced exit (even if its temporary)out of their home,.youre not a young girl o, youre a grown 22 year old woman who knows that theres a transparent (not thin ) line btw heavy petting and wat your cousin did(e dey ur body too, you can still fall victim, so moove).
    Sadly in this part of the world, a lot of married women cope well with a cheating husband,by lifetime prayer point, for him to be a better person but the invisible but deep rooted scar of infidelity is almost indelible when “the other woman” is a close friend or worse still, a relative.
    when ur out of their house, present your case and what you witnessed to your sister in a very diplomatic manner not judging any party, how much you appreciate her financial support and why you want the best for her in marriage so you eloped from her home and how much you miss her motherly care and that youre praying for her (which you should)…etc, etc.
    No matter whose ox is gored, even if its yours tell it to her in black and white but dont force her to believe you, and her outburst of emotion might even blame you but you would have cleared your conscience before God and man and also prevent ur sister from accomodating betrayers in her home. If the tables turns against you heavily, call in ur parents or reliable elders whom your sister look up to ,to intervene.Remember that neither you nor your cousin but only your sister can decide if she wants out of the marriage or not. theres a saying dat husband n wife r like a pair of scissors, they seem to be going separate ways but theyre joined in d middle, then anyone who tries to come between them gets ripped apart. You are not trying to come in btw cos you have good intentions so God will help you pull through this.

    1. I agree absolutely. Whether she believes you initially or not is not Ur business.
      Your business is to pray and let her know. Let God work the rest biko….

  13. Its best to tell her. Doing what is easy and doing what is right is not always the same. I suggest u should first of all pray and ask God for direction. Then if u can get some kind of evidence, such as pictures (u can hide the device if u know where& when d husband & cousin do their act) and u should carefully take d pics or other evidence more than once that is on different occurrences, this will make the evidence more believable to yr sister. Then armed with the evidence, you should tell your sister EVERYTHING, including yr mistake, in the absence of d husband&cousin cos they will deny it strongly if u do it in their presence. You have to tell your sister, because the unfaithful husband wont get away with it forever; bad behaviour always exposes the one who carries it. God is not mocked; everything that is hidden will be exposed naked one day, no matter how long it takes (Luke 12:2). It may not be easy, yr sis may not believe u at first but the truth is, when d husband’s behaviour is exposed, u would have proved yourself truthful& trustworthy to yr older sister. You can bear in mind Ecclesiastes 12:14, Eph. 5:11 & Jer.16:17. Above all my dear, trust God in all this. May we single ladies neva carry ourselves go marry unfaithful man, in Jesus name, Ameeeen! God knows, i cannot stand unfaithfulness, whether 4rm d man or d woman! God be wit u my sister.

  14. If i were d gurl, i wil 1st ask 4 God’s 4gvness nd 4 God 2 soften my sister heart xo dat wat am abt 2 tell her wil nt bring atrocity 2 ma future nd her marriage(cos God maketh evrytin to work 4 our gud) den i wil tell any person dat ma sister listen 2 whether her frnd or family mem,then i wil call ma sis nt jst telln her immediately buh wil thank her 4 all she’v don 4 me xo far by den she may be thinkn wat am up 2,evn if i ned 2 shed d whole tears n ma eyes i wil tell her all dat i know,,cos if i conceal it frm her it may get worser dan hw it was den my cousin may posses d husband or even plot 2 kill her,,i dnt care if i got punished or nt believed since i’v freed ma heart,txns

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