AS dilemma

Hey people πŸ˜€ and in case you don’t recognise that smiley, that’s me giving you my biggest grin.

Why? ‘cos I’ve missed you guys. Well, a lot to tell but before I start with all the many things I have to tell you I have a dilemma post for you this fine Tuesday.

Here goes….

Dear Pastor m

I need advice. I’m 33 years old and I’m still single. I’ve been in many different relationships with amazing christian guys. Unfortunately it never ends in marriage. Why you ask? Because for some funny reason which I can’t explain I end up meeting guys with the AS genotype and I am AS as well.

So for a while I took a break but early last year one of my exes whom honestly I have never gotten over came back to me telling me that he can’t live without me. I also feel like I can’t live without him.

He proposed to me and I’m wearing his ring. Both families know each other and they love us but I lost a cousin to SS five years ago and the reality is I could have an SS child but I could also have an AA…only God knows

I love him and he is everything I want in a man. Would it be so selfish to go ahead? I’m not getting younger. Don’t I deserve to be happy too? Please help. I need to know what you think. I also don’t mind other opinions as far as I remain anonymous on your blog.

Thank you ma

So there you have it guys. Help a sister out. you know the drill guys….Best responses get a prize

Gotta run. Will be back to give you a lowdown on some of the Just Us Girls Naija programmes for the rest of the year sometime you can plan ahead.

18 thoughts on “AS dilemma

  1. Hmmm.. this is very dicey because i can almost imagine what you are going through considering am AS too. First of all, I have a question for you…Can your faith handle this? I know that the rational and probably the wisest thing to do is to let the guy go cos even me I don’t think I can handle giving birth to an SS child but i recently met a couple and I realized we are only limited by the level of our faith. This couple, the wife is SS and the husband is AS, crazy right? They got married, they have two sons now and the two boys are AA !!!. I spoke to the husband and he said before he married his wife, he had gotten to a level with God where he knew he couldn’t have SS children, hence the reason why I asked you that question. So if you have developed your faith to that level and you have a go-ahead from God, by all means marry him but if not be ready to take whatever comes your way. May God lead you in the best way to go.

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  2. Good day pastor M, though i read this blog regularly this is my first comment ever.
    Ok this is to the nice lady….. i am 27 and AS. i was engaged 3yrs back to a guy who is AS too. we were totally in love, you know that kinda love that gives u a “kingkong” effect and makes u feel like u can take on the whole world?
    We fasted and prayed hoping for a miracle until i met 2 women that made me have a rethink; the 1st was a young lady of 18, she has SS genotype, in a bad shape (malnourished and sickly) and couldn’t do anything tangible with her life bcoz she was always in the hospital. The 2nd was a 35yr old lady who always fainted at work, had no good relationship and was permanently depressed.
    After talking with these women i asked myself would i want to allow my kids go through such agony and pain? its really not worth it…. we had to break it up, it was painful but trust me i don’t regret it bcoz now am engaged to an amazing man who to top it all is AA.
    don’t allow age and love be the basis for your decision. Pray and let the Holy spirit lead you.
    Shalom

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  3. So far the lady and her prospective husband know that they are both AS then its no big deal only that they should either not try to have children and adopt OR they should go for a medical test each time she is pregnant so as to ascertain the genotype of the baby; these option is a difficult one because it affects the couple emotionally, physically and psychologically in cases that the child is an SS and the pregnancy has to be terminated. So to avoid such trauma the best option is for them to make up their mind about adopting and settle the idea with themselves.

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  4. I dey hail ooh my sister from anoda mother. Well like I always do, I would relate this to an experience I know about. I have a close friend who is AS and married her heartthrob AS, they were so in love and both decided to go ahead regardless of advices from close friends, parents and the church. Well now they are ten years in marriage, they lost their first child to sickle cell at a tender age and the second born is SS, and they’ve been battling to manage his health, if it’s any consolation, they Boy is a brainer, I mean, that boy has a photographic memory. He spent almost 3months at the hospital, but still sat for his exams and came first in class. He has scriptures in him, like I have never seen a 13yr old boy have. Whenever he has his crisis, he starts confessing scriptures, even when his parents are confused and running helter skelter! He is still alive. They have 2 other boys that are in the clear, but the amazing thing is, they both made a decision and they have stood by each other and honored that covenant, and I know that God will turn their tears into Joy. So my sister, I said this to say, no one can make this decision for you, it’s yours to make. Read about it, discuss about it with your husband to be, pray about it, and when you do get your conviction!!!, my darling run for it. You deserve happiness, but your seeds deserve to be happier!!!!!

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  5. its all about faith. I have a pastor that is As and got married to an As but bcos of their faith in God, they now have a boy and girl and none of dem is SS. So if u believe in God that He will perfect ur union, den go for it

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  6. Hello sis,
    The truth is only you can make that decision and Its good to know that both parties and even familes are aware of the situation however I would advise that while you make your decision,you are also futuristic in your approach and above all,prayer is key.You need to do some knee prayers till you are convinced and to ask yourself sincere question like how built are you characterwise? Can you keep loving when all hope seems lost or do you think that further down the line,you wont have the tenacity to hold on?
    Above all,you sure deserve to be happy for his plans towards us are good and not evil to give us our desired future

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  7. I think you need to decide what you’re willing to live with for years to come, don’t decide just based on how you feel now.

    if you guys absolutely don’t want to live without each other, there’s also the option of getting married and adopting, rather than birthing kids. almost like eating your cake & having it.

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  8. Ahhh what a chummy story. Girl meets boy, they fall in love, they separate and then they come back again. But let’s back up a bit, if you were 24 single, great job, a ton of great guys were flocking around you, would you readily settle with him, would you do it for love sake? Its a touchy subject, delicate because we are talking children unborn. Equip yourself with knowledge, learn all you can about it, ask questions, talk to those who have dealt with it or are dealing with it. You need to know first hand what you will face. Do you think you will ride through the storms, do you think your age would matter when times get crazy or do you know you will be strong and stay positive, when you figure it out, talk to God cos he does know best. Ultimately its your decision but dont let age or the rock on your finger stop you, you can always say I dont till you say I do.

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  9. Whatever advice we give, it is you who will live with the choice you make. It is better you put love aside and as difficult as it may seem try to put aside the age issue as well and ask God what he would realy have you do, I love this hymn that says “will your anchor hold in the storms of life?….we have an anchor that keeps the soul steadfast and sure while the billows rolls fastened to the rock which cannot move grounded firm and deep in the saviour’s love. If God gives you a go ahead then you know that’s a sure anchor as he never leads amiss, and if he says no, you know he sees ahead and has a better plan. It is easy to stir up faith and find scriptures to align with whatever situation we find ourselves but it is much better to get seek God’s direction first and know if he will have us take the path we want to take. God has you in his beautiful plan, may he lead you to it.

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  10. I know the feeling of having an amazing guy you feel you can’t live without, who feels the same way about you. However, I allowed mine get away because I had some unsubstantiated fears about his background, which with time, have all proven to be unfounded.

    However, going ahead with this means you are signing a possible death warrant for one or more of your children. That’s putting it baldly.
    Do both of you have the faith to hold you together through the bad times? Can you cope with the multiple blood transfusions that’ll surely take place, when strangers’ blood will be infused into your child, with all the risks of infections (yes, I know all blood is screened, but nothing is impossible). And God forbid, you or your fiancΓ© has a rare blood group which the child inherits, getting blood during emergencies would be a nightmare!
    When your child is writhing in pain on a hospital bed, and tells you, “Mummy, if you had not gotten married to Daddy, this wouldn’t be happening to me”, would you be able to stand the heartbreak? Some children who know the pathogenesis of their condition blame their parents for their pain. Walk into a sickle cell disease clinic and speak to the teenagers amongst them.

    Checking the genotype of each child before delivery is possible, but as a believer, are you willing to kill any of your children who might be SS? That should be ruled out for you.

    Now for the good news, I read the programme of events of the burial of a 90-something year old lady with SCA who was managed in Nigeria all her life, married, had children, grand-kids & great-grandkids. She was from Edo State. There are new modes of treatment available which are very effective. Hydroxyurea helps increase fetal hemoglobin which would reduce the amount of sickled cells, and thus reduce the incidence of crisis. Available at UCH, Ibadan and the Sickle Cell Center opp. LUTH, Lagos. If properly managed, there are adults living with SCA amongst us. Bone marrow transplant is curative. However, it’s not done in Nigeria, and chances of it being successful aren’t 100%.

    I’ve heard teatimonies in church of SS genotypes changed to AA. Even people with AS have testimonies of their genotype changing to AA. What does the bible say about your children? Speak life into them even before conception. All through your pregnancy speak life. Decree what you want, and it shall come to pass. I am actually encouraging you to go ahead, because the only barriers to marriage we have as Christians is that we should not marry from the other side! As long as he is a Spirit-filled believer, please go on! You know the mountain before you, speak to it and cast it away from your path. Awaiting your testimonies!

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  11. Ive had sickler friends, even though some of them had their lives cut short at some point, the life was quality, well taken care of, well fed, well pampered , well medicated nd yes some dont even die till old age like every other AA.as a parent one might begin to have guilt trips when a child is ill, going through the crises and all, but remeber JEsus lived 33 years only of quality life. Those who died in plane crashes, road accidents, boko haram bombings,confined to wheel chairs, mental instability, some born healthy but have cancer or other major diseases along the line of life , why cant their fanily members blame themselves as the cause?Are they all sicklers?or even some with perfectly healthy lives, but have no focus, no vision, no sense of direction and as PK says, foolishness dawning on you at the age of 40?is it not better to know that ur a sickler, ur life might be short and enjoy it to the fullest in earthly love and in Christ…,physically speaking, its a tough one to see even an AA child run temperature or pick up a disease from school especially when you put your best into hygiene at home but just the way it is, some things are just beyond human control.YOu put your child in the school bus in the morning, no guarantee that child is coming back home alive.you have no control over a reckless bus driver.you still have to pray for the children daily whether AA or SS. A lot of parental care are much beyond our control.just like faithing out having an AA child or children or having babies without physical deformities.with strenghthened faith, all things are possible.these testimonies of having perfectly healthy AA babies despite the parents’ genotype are very real or is someone about to doubt GOds ability here? but but..but your faith must carry it. You dont need much, JEsusgave us a mustard seed size example and even that small, strengthened , all things are possible. Identify with the couples whose faith worked for them. Above all, dont be desperate, youre not too old to get married, just askour father in heaven to put you in the right man’s home and all things will work in your favour cos really, you deserve to be happy.

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  12. First of all, it seems you’re marrying the guy out of fear of remaining single rather than because of love cus an ex is an ex because there were issues that couldnt be handled. Do you think they can be handled now?? Secondly, faith believes in the midst of reality rather than denying reality. Yes, God still works miracles but have you looked at the facts?what happens if you do give birth to SS kids, can you handle the psychological, physical and financial issues? Think with your head,girl not just your heart and listen to the spirit. God hasnt authored a book called confusion, if this is God, you’d be certain and not confused. Plus he wants the best for us, trauma of ss not included!

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  13. Hi dear,
    I sincerely understand your plight, you don’t have time on your side and you sincerely think you love this guy hmmmmm…..Just recently I went for a condolence visit to an In-law, who just lost her second child to sickle cell anemia, The first died immediately she graduated and became a medical doctor while the second died when she got admitted into UNN, guess it was the registration stress. she wept so badly and blamed herself all through, she called her self all sort of names and couldn’t stop describing how selfish and wicked she was, we tried as much as possible to convince her it wasn’t her fault but truth be told that woman might never forgive herself. The truth is when the going gets tough can you actually look at your kids and truly forgive yourself, knowing you would have done things differently, do you think your age would matter when times gets tough, can you both stand the test of time. lets be realistic. Please seek the face of God and truly be sincere with the choice you make, marriage is not all about love, the future of this kids should be your main priority…

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  14. I read through some of the comments, so wonderful except for ther sister who suggest termination of pregnancy if it is SS. My dear sister, it seem to me you are also considering your age. I guess am reading this love story on JUG becos there is FEAR. Otherwise with faith you would have decided without consulting anyone. PK says don’t dabble into any convenant reletionship where there is no peace of mind. You obviously do not have peace of mind regardless of the fact that the guy truly love and want to be with you. Pray you decide wisely so you will forever enjoy ur marriage after waiting for so long.

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  15. Even though the decision is urs finally, I should tell u plainly: PLEASE DON’T GO ON WITH THE MARRIAGE. An AS and SS can’t hav an AA(lai lai!) miracles do happen, even our lives are miracles. There is the posibility if having 4 AA genotype kids just like there is of having 4 SS genotype kids. Can u deal with it? Very traumatizing, depressing n could even break a marriage. Even If u can take it, can your partner deal with it? Don’t just think about now, what of the future? BE WISE.

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  16. Joining d party late. My comment is actually to those who are not yet in a relationship. If you are AS, it is better to say it by d 2nd or 3rd date. My hubby is and I was surprised he asked me my genotype so early. No need to fall in love and start writing stories that touch d heart.
    I really have no advice for d poster. She will live with d consequences of any decision she makes, go ahead or break up. The Holy Spirit will give d best counsel. That being said, no man is d last man on earth. Ask widows who remarried. Cheers.

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  17. Well having read all the comments i would like to chip in this little advice of mine love is a feeling and like we know feelings come and go but reality is inevitable. one day that same man that came back to say he found out he cant leave without you wouldn’t carry the pregnancy for nine months with you and though they share in the pain it can never be compared to the pain of the mother carrying a child for 9 months with all the turbulence and finally loses it. Girl you know the truth stick to it, and also if its God’s will he makes a way even before you take the step. Meanwhile it could be God’s way of telling you WAIT!!!

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