dilemma tuesday: inbox saga

Hi people
I’m back again. It’s officially still Tuesday in the US so I kept my promise 😀 . Here’s the dilemma for this week. Please read and comment. I will reserve my comments to the end but I was really shocked by this mail. Maybe I’m over-reacting. You read and tell me what you think and you know how we do right? Spread the word. Remember the point is to give counsel not to mock or belittle anyone.
Best five get a prize.


Dear pastor,
I need your counsel I have been dating this guy for the past 10 months now. He has not really been the perfect boyfriend, but I still understand him and all. For some time now, he has been receiving calls consistently from 2 particular girls. I asked him about them, he said they are just his friends. I happened to have his email and password due to a particular project we did.
So this week, something told me to check his Facebook inbox with my phone which I did. I went to look for the girls’ names and I saw their whole conversation from last year, and obviously from the way the conversation went, the first girl is his girlfriend. He goes to see her at her apartment once in a while. She cooks for him.
Another email I saw was about the second girl and he was telling a close friend of his whom I know very well that he was toasting and trying her already. I couldn’t bear it again. I prepared a text and told him everything he has been doing that I found out about and broke up with him. He started calling me, begging me but I didn’t pick up the phone.
We were texting each other, then I came out plain and told him how I got d whole info. He now flared up, that how could I secretly log into his Facebook account. That I could kill him if he gave me something adverse. That he thought he was worse and I am over here castigating him and he said farewell.
I really don’t know how to feel right now. I don’t know if what I did was wrong. He hasn’t even called me in the past four days to show any sign that he loves me, or to beg or anything. I feel sad about what I saw in his inbox, but he was cheating. Was there any point in sitting down to talk him?

Okay so folks what do you think? what facebook will cause sha 😀

20 thoughts on “dilemma tuesday: inbox saga

  1. My dear,

    From the tone of your email you seem like a very cultured lady. I know that sometimes, we make the wrong choices, fall into the ‘wrong’ hands but the good thing is that we can always pick ourselves up and move on (painful as it might seem).

    I was in a relationship very similar to yours. (You don’t want to hear the complete gist). I was hurt. I thought I would never get over it but about a year later, I married MY husband. All it took was seeking Godly counsel (which you are doing now) and taking the bold walk away not settling for less than what God had promised me. Then realising my position as the daughter of THE KING.
    You are Gods princess. Let him go. There are many Godly options. You will have the marriage of your dreams.
    Kind Regards

  2. Hey dear first of all, you’re an amazing lady irrespective of his behavior and you’ve got a good heart too. Its been advised that truth and an open-book policy should be the foundation for any relationship to thrive, once this quality is lost the foundation is faulty. Were you wrong for going through his inbox without his permission? Yes Love and that’s cos the two of you hadn’t defined some things but then again he shouldn’t hide anything from you, that’s where the disconnect comes in. You need my honest advice; let him go. You deserve better, it’ll probably hurt for a while but God’ll heal you and a real man not a boy will come around. In the interim, work at developing yourself in all areas to be a lady of a different status who knows her worth in Jesus and needs no man to prove it to her rather the man will thank the Lord everyday for you. Hugs

  3. My dear,

    From the tone of your email you seem like a very cultured lady. I know that sometimes, we make the wrong choices, fall into the ‘wrong’ hands but the good thing is that we can always pick ourselves up and move on (painful as it might seem).

    I was in a relationship very similar to yours. (You don’t want to hear the complete gist). I was hurt. I thought I would never get over it but about a year later, I married MY husband. All it took was seeking Godly counsel (which you are doing now) and taking the bold walk away not settling for less than what God had promised me. Then realising my position as the daughter of THE KING.
    You are Gods princess. Let him go. There are many Godly options. You will have the marriage of your dreams.

  4. A cheating boyfriend is an aldulterous husband….life is abt choices,make the Rite one..

  5. Hmmmmmm…… How does that saying go, Love is blind but not too blind that I can’t see!!! That’s the case here, she is so Lucky to have seen the kind of person he is now before it went any further, imagine him making her feel bad for his behaviour, Kai! If there is anything I learnt from PM and PK( there are loads of things by the way, LOL) is that there should never be any secret, passwords, your own, my own, where now, How? She knows every single password, link, connection, friend, colleague, acquaintance etc.. That is trust to the Highest level and because most importantly, Nothing to Hide! So, I believe she has just been rescued from a life time of Pain! If I could say one more thing to her it would be Thank God your Out, God Loves you too much to have you settle…

  6. Dilemma.Wahala.


    Facebook/social.media.sites.these.days.expose.a lot.and.though.this.lady.may.have.found.out.some.other.way,the.man.was.wrong.to.have.lied.and.cheated.on.the.lady.


  7. Awwww!!! Sister don’t even let him get you with that blame card (he was the one who did something wrong) so u went about doing your detective work the snooping way and all of a sudden its about what you did and not his cheating self anymore (let me just tell u, this evidence is admissible in my own court, irrespective of how u got it *wink*). Look he will make you feel for going through his private stuff, make u beg him and then he will nicely take u back like he is doing u a favor (I know, some of them can feel smart like that rme), but u don’t need that drama in your life and you didn’t trust him, so what’s the point. If he liked you and respected you in the first place why would he need all that backup drama?

    You need to remember who u are, you are the daughter of a king, fearfully beautifully and wonderfully made and you deserve the best of everything and that includes a prince, see this particular child of God, isn’t worth your time, emotions or much else (so make e waka go front, continue him fb love) so give him space(free, forget and fashi him), focus on you, on serving God, finding ur self and having a good life. Be selfish with you, relationships are not by chance, feelings or force but they are by choice. So get your feelings out of the game.

    One last thing, remember to write down all the wrongs that happened in this one so when it FEELS like you miss him or need him, u can go back and check the reasons why u left in the first place. You deserve better and if you start to believe right you will live right (none will lack her mate and that includes u). God bless u. 😉

  8. Infact, am gonna call u a honey pie cuz God has just saved u from a life of bees.
    Honeypie, I know how it hard it can be to walk away from someone you care so much about but sweetheart, like our naija people say: free that guy. God has opened your eyes to see the kind of person he is. Am happy for you that you didn’t go further with the relationship cuz I wonder what would have happened.
    Pls, forget him and move on. The right man will come for you at the right time. Cheers, dear.

  9. It is well my dear sister… Do not beat yourself up too much for checking his mails, there was lack of trust. A little snooping around is allowed, for this I am guilty as well, hahaha.
    Sometimes we are overwhelmed with the fear of being alone (single). And this might make us hold unto relationships that are outside God’s will for us. Brace yourself, know that you are not alone, God is still with you & he loves u dearly, believe this you deserve better. Just let go & let God.
    Pastor M, I praise God for you everyday…xoxo

  10. Sweetheart, you’re far too precious in God’s eyes to be just an option for a man. Fine, you snooped to find the incriminating info, that doesn’t validate the correctness of what he’s done. He’s still wrong, whether he likes it or not. Someone like that doesn’t seem to have respect for you, and will want to manipulate your emotions just because he knows you love him. You deserve better, way better. If he was truly sorry, he wouldn’t play you the blame card. He’s cheated for a year now, while still telling you sweet nothings…hmm. If you hadn’t found out he would’ve continued abi? Relax dear, take time out and stay away from him. Leave him alone, let him be. Like I said before, you deserve better. I’ve always had this testimony that once I’m in a relationship situation (still testing the waters, trying to decide whether to date him or not) somehow the Holy Spirit helps me confirm my thoughts about the person, good or bad, and I know the right step to take in any direction. The beauty of it all is that if the guy messes up, or it just doesn’t work out, the next person comes better than the previous. So hon, live ur life being the daughter of the One who loves you more than you can imagine, and He’ll perfect all that concerns you. One luv 🙂

  11. My dear, a man dat will marry u won’t wait for 10yrs to do it so its better d way u called it quit & he is only trying to blame u by flaring up bcos d best defense is offense or so is d saying. Urs is coming & pls leave him jare. A couple inlove always share things & don’t keep secret.

  12. Hello sweetie…I don’t like beating around d bush so I’ll just come straight out and say it…he’s got you where he wants u!…he has used reverse psychology on u and flipped the guilt table to make you feel guilty…fact is, u shldnt hv been snooping around his fb, but the fact still remains that he was two timing!..(Or three timing sef!)…u cld hv been privy to the info another way too, maybe gossip or watever but thank God you got to know before things became too serious…I don’t think you should be waiting for his calls either, you don’t deserve someone who is not trustworthy and open as I gather you are (cos you told him how you got to know). You deserve someone better who appreciates openness and faithfulness…pls don’t beat yourself up too much about him…Let him go, forgive him and open your heart to the better prospects that are definately coming your way!…all the best!

  13. My dear, move on. Just forget about him. He is not yours. God has just delivered you. Marriage is a serious thing o! The last thing you want is some baggage that will come to hunt you when you’re married. Marriage na one chance o! No divorce, or annulment as they call it these days(at least to us Christians).That great guy, who isn’t using social media to two time is out there . Wait for him, he will come. Abeg dear, close the chapter on this guy. Remember to give a MEGA thanksgiving in Church this Sunday…this na MEGA open eye deliverance.

    1. Hello dear,u don’t know how you feel? Feel relieved,feel loved by your Father who is delivering you from a horrible person. Don’t wait up for his call or plea. Move on. You deserve sooooooo much better. You need to see how precious you are to your Father and understand that His thoughts for you are good and this guy isn’t one of those thoughts. It might hurt a bit but what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. God is talking about you when He says ” none shall lack her mate” He’s also talking about you when He says “He is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all you can ask or imagine” . Dearie,start asking and imagining and your expectation shall not be cut off.. Shalom

  14. First of all, thank you so much aunty Mildred for the opportunity to contribute, you are a great woman indeed! God bless you. In response to the dilemma for the week.******************* Hello dear! I feel your pain, I was in the same situation two years ago so it not uncommon. Please sister, leave the guy alone. Honestly my dear, If you feel you need someone this unfaithful to call you and make you feel happy then ask God to help you see yourself the way He sees you and heal you from emotional dependency issues( you can read more about it here: https://www.gospelfreedom.com/emotional-wholeness/emotional-dependence.html). You need to work on your self-esteem preferably before going into another relationship. You need to be whole in Christ if not you will keep depending on others and what they say or feel about you to make you happy and by doing this you have opened yourself to be easily manipulated by anyone. When you are complete in Christ you will attract the right kind of people. Also, know that your ex’s secret conversations have been revealed to you to save you from a more devastating heartache in the future. Know that you are very special, you are beautiful, very intelligent, very creative, very precious. Fill your heart and mind with what God has said about you, listen to messages that build your spirit and give you hope(I listened to Joel Osteen a lot!), and surround yourself with people who speak life into you. You are deserving of a better man than that man who may feel that his self-esteem comes from having a lot of ladies around him. God will heal your broken heart if you let Him and one day you will also advise someone in the situation you are in now. I believe Aunty Mildred has more to say.God bless you. It is well!

  15. Scooping or sneaking up thru his mails was uncalled for and absolutely wrong no matter ur excuse is. Trust is being responsible,u won’t steal my money even if ℓ̊ give u my vault code so y scooping thru his deets cos u have d passwords???? ℓ̊ don’t tink its right esp when u know u can’t deal wit d resultant effect of d outcomes of ur sneaking into his space. Ɣ☺u aint married to him by dat alone he is very entitled to his space and some level of privacy as an individual (Even in marriage there is a place for respecting peoples wishes and all) ℓ̊ donot agree to people sneaking up on partners phones,space, social media etc. Haven said all that, ℓ̊ guess u mingled with the wrong mate who feels he cud turn d table of blame at will.move on and let God. As u do dat,its may be easier said but with grace of God u are winning in Jesus name.Your choice may never be Gods choice but if it is Gods choice then its perfectly ok my dﻉåя. Just take a walk and let God.

  16. I really love your innocent approach to the situation , its refreshing that we still have truthful young girls but opening up plainly on
    how you nosed around can upset anyone and the tables turned on you whereas your supposed to be the victim. I’d like to teach u a few things.It’s not all you saw or all you did that you must say.the koko of the matter is that you have your facts and enough evidence to make him admit his wrongdoing. How you got the info doesn’t matter. Holding back some details Can be a mystery that can keep people on their toes , to think twice if they choose to take you for a ride. There’s a time to speak and a time to remain silent.he gäve you the password during the project,didn’t he? Secondly, free the wolf…..something I got from BRuce JEnner from the tv series before I stopped watching it (keeping up with the kardashians) was an advice he gave to courtney “any relationship is at their best during courtship.each party kind of put their best foot forward to impress the other, the Lovey Dovey can’t get better than that when it develops into marriage…so if at this stage when your not exactly obligated to submit to him and he’s acting this Way then b e sure tdo be bis Fotomat when he Maries you with the mind Set that he’s Doing you a favour Anway …..Let him go. Easier said than don se, but never mind, “this phase too shall pass ” dont let a Pauper toy with your mind to think youre like him Cos u Need to always remember, your’re the Child f a King.
    Nb: dont go watching keeping up with the kardashians for advice o, the program adds nö value, just some pretty shoes .Come for LDM instead, you wil learn more.

  17. my dear you are a wonderful person.you are feeling bad because you are human and it is a phase that will blow over.i thinking breaking up with him was the right thing.The best thing that can happen to any woman is to have a man who fears God,who is submitted to God and even in the face of temptation can say like Joseph how can i do this great wickedness and sin against God.you are a treasure in the eyes of God and at the right time God will give you a man after His own heart.

  18. My ten kobo advice is please dear sister,
    Try your best with God’s help and run as fast as your legs can carry you. God will definitely heal your heart.

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