should I adopt?

Its dilemma tuesday yay!!! Another chance to win lots of prizes. If this is your first Dilemma tuesday, this is how it works. I share an issue and you get to comment on the issue. We’d really love to hear what you think. Five best comments get to win a prize.

Don’t be shy. Let’s know what you really think. There’s no right or wrong answers ok? Oh by the way all comments to qualify have to be submitted by friday. Let’s make this fun. Spread the word. Broadcast the link, post on bb, facebook, twitter, etc. You just might win a prize also for sharing the link 😉

So here’s today’s dilemma.

Dear pastor,
I’m writing you because I have an issue. I read the last dilemma tuesday and honestly I don’t mind getting people’s views on this.

I’m a 35 year old woman. I’ve been married for 8years. My husband and I met when we were working at the same bank almost 10years ago. Long story short. We fell in love got married and after 8years our nest is still empty.

At first my husband and I were building our careers so we agreed not to have children for 2 years. So in actual fact we’ve only been looking for 6 years. We didn’t use any contraception just the natural method as I didn’t want to mess up my hormones or anything like that. However now I’ve done many tests and treatments. I’ve even tried IVF twice to no avail.

Last year my husband came up with suggestion that we adopt. I waved it off and told him we should still trust God and keep trying. Last week he started talking about it again and he even gave me an ultimatum that I either give him a child naturally or by adoption or else. My husband is a serious christian so I know it is an empty threat but what do I do? I don’t think everyone is created to be able to handle adoption. At least I don’t think I can.

I’m being honest and practical here. These are my issues.

#1. I cannot handle the stigma of adoption in Nigeria. How do I explain to people that I adopted a child? What will people say?

#2. I will see the child as a constant sign that I failed as a woman to conceive

#3. Will there be a natural bond? Could I really love that child as my own? I don’t think I can.

#4. What if after I adopt. I get pregnant. What do I do then? What happens? Will I ever treat them the same? I suspect I may be partial to one.

#5. My husband wants me to adopt a new born or at least a month. By then you can’t tell the child’s genotype. What if it is SS. Its not a dress or car you can return so I’m stuck? What if the genotype is AS? My husband and I are AA. What explanation do we give the child later?

#6. Also if the adoption is done neatly, or the child is an orphan, I may never know the child’s parents, their character, circumstances of conception. Who knows it might have been a rape child. So many other things.

#7. Raising a child is life altering. Can I really do all I should for this child wiithout feeling like its not really mine.

Pastor, I’m not a heartless person. I actually even love children but I’m just being honest about my fears here but my husband has really been good to me and he’s just tired of not having a child in our home. He says children bring joy and peace into every home and they keep you young. His stand on the issue is “while we are praying for children; a child is praying for parents…”

What do I do?

P.S
Please I would like to remain anonymous. Thank you ma.

So there you have it people. Let’s help a sister out. U can reply with “dear honest sister” since no names given.

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53 thoughts on “should I adopt?

  1. Dear honest sister. I must applaud you for been truthful. Its easy to see celebrities adopt coloured kids and endorse it but its a bit different in our own setting. Women are known to go the extra mile to keep their home. Child bearing is a major issue in homes. I’ll advise you weigh all the options you have before you. There are places you can go to for adoption and they’ll give you the complete statistics of the child afterall women who go to sperm banks are usually specific with what they want. I’m sure you can do your research well on that and you’ll find homes or hospitals that render such services that’s if you want to tow the path of adoption. Concerning caring for that child , look at it as an opportunity to help one child. My friend will always remind me Children are gifts from God so if you decide to adopt just know you are reciving a blessing from God. I’m glad i saw this post i have a brother of 15 months and my mum gave birth to him after 16 years. God is still in the habit of performing miracles and you are His daughter too. Looking forward to the good news that’ll come from you.

  2. Dear honest sister,
    I reckon with your fears but you also need to consider your husband’s feelings as well. I believe you are born again.
    The bible says in Rom 5:5 that the love of God has been shared abroad in our hearts.. God’s grace to love has already been made available to you so all you need to do is decide to love the adopted child like your child and believe that all things work together for your good , PK also teaches us that Love is a decision.
    People will alway talk no matter what, so tell yourself that nothing else matters except what God says about you.
    You and your your husband should pray about it and ask the Holyspirit for divine direction.. I know he will definitely lead youin the way that you should go. I also believe that He will also speak to you through this blog.
    God bless you and lead you. Love you.

  3. Dear honest sister, you should be thankful that your husband is considering an adoption because most men won’t allow it rather they get another lady who can give him a child. Reasons; people may look at him like he is the cause of not been able to impregnate his wife. I think you should try and be positive about it and pray for God †o give you the spirit to love the adopted child because he owns our hearts. You can never tell if that’s what will open the door of fruitfulness. All those idea of circumstances of the child’s birth shouldn’t be a problem. As a christian you have the power given to you by God to declare a word and it comes to pass. All you need to do is to handover the child to God (train up the child in the things of God as he grows he/she will bring pride and honour to your household. As long God is involved the circumstances of the child’s birth has no effect on that child. May God grant you the grace and wisdom do that which seems right before God.

  4. Dear Honest sister, I understand your fears perfectly but one Thing you should hav in mind is that the purpose of Every situation is FOR THE NAME OF THE LORD TO BE GLORIFIED and Having a Family is Gods idea (Gen 1:28) . You have established reasons why you think you don’t want to accept adoption as an options but would u rather prefer to stay all your life without been called mummy? whether by your biological kid or not? And would you want your hubby to be complaining over an issue constantly when you hav an option that will put smiles on both your faces?(I think dats been selfish) Check out his point (while you are praying for children,there are kids praying for parents)and its a basis for you to go to God in earnest prayer reminding Him that he said there shall be nither male nor female barren amongst His people and believe the Holy Spirit to fill you with much love for the child you are eventually going to adopt and believe God that you will conceive as soon as you adopt and that you won’t even remember you hav an adopted child living with you because its only tHe Holy spirit that can do that. Then about what will people say? Never mind what people will say bcos they will always say.I recommend you find this book-SUPERNATURAL CHILDBIRTH by Jackie Mize. It’l help u greatly.may God giv you Wisdom on what to do.God bless You.

  5. My dear sister, firstly u said and I quote “I don’t think everyone is created to be able to handle adoption. At least I don’t think I can” I assume that you are born again, if yes then u must realize that you are an adopted child (jn 1v12, Rom 8v15, titus 3v7 etc). if you fully understand this then there should be nothing like stigmatization or discrimination of any sort. Your concerns about you having failed as a woman and the child being a constant reminder of that is also no cause for alarm. Dear, in Christ you are a winner, you need to renew your mind by the ever rich and powerful word of God. Your husband loves you so much going by what you said, he was even the one that brought up the idea which makes things easier for you. I advise you as a wife to submit to your husbands wish. Concerning your fears about whether you can love the child like your own, I promise you that once you hold that child in your arms, it will steal your heart away, that is the powerful innocence that children possess irrespective of the origin, known or unknown, rape or no rape. If tomorrow the Lord blesses you with your own child, I know he will give you the grace to love both children equally just as God loves you even though he already has Jesus. God bless you.

  6. Dear honest sister, I really don’t know what to say. Cause u have so many list of rules or should I say mindset options that u r not willing to try. First and foremost u have a loving husband that doesn’t care, as long as a child plays on the sofa or rug of the sitting room. I didn’t read anything about extended family pressurizing u!! How lucky at thou. U say u love children, I really doubt that. Cause even after u give birth, u might even remind the child where he/she is coming from. Questions I always ask is what would Jesus do? Calm down girl, life moves forward not backward and we can’t erase the past but undo the future. Push the brakes and see what God has done in your life, others have far worse problems than u! Look at husband in your world!

  7. My dear honest sister,your husband loves you and be grateful to God for him to suggest an adoption. Your reasons for not adopting is not an issue at all, the love of God is shed abroad in our heart… Don’t ever tempt him to go for another woman. My advice is to adopt twin(a boy and girl), bcos u said no conception at all not that u have miscarriage….Relocate and don’t tell any family members or friends about your decisions…. . Pray about it and God will see you through.

  8. Dear honest sister
    If u ask me these nothing here to consider or think about.if u really love kids like you said you won’t think twice before considering ur husbands offer.you have a very wonderingful husband that loves you so much because most men will go and impregnate another woman outside.there r so many children out there wishing for a parent and praying for one.I don’t understand your list,adopted kids are not aliens they are complete humans like me and you,you never can tell maybe that little innocent child that u decided to help can bring breaktru to ur home.my sister let brotherly love continue.

  9. Dear honest sister. Since u ve tried medication and everyting came 2 no avail.I will advice u 2 seek God.create a day where u wouldn’t go anywhere jux ve a personal time wit God bcos he has a reason 4 d delay it maybe he wnt 2 giv one d children in d motherless baby home a family.anyting God says do it.if he says adpt den do it cos he has seen ahead bt if he says No xplain 2 ur husbd since is d will of God nd he is a christian he will undastnd.God speak tru his world nd tru strong intuition in ur heart.my parent waited 4 10 yrs b4 dey gave birth 2 me.now am in my 20’s.nd also d samuel of my generation wit a mission.children carry gr8 mission on earth alwax kom late eg samuel,john d baptist,samson etc.

  10. …If you’re not yet ABLE to concieve and yet not WILLING to adopt,what hope is their for your marriage?Your case is like some1 who refuses to be vaccinated before infection and also rejects medicine after contraction…your indecision seems to me a bigger problem than the delayd conception.Hard talk,but true!

  11. Pls adopt, at this point wisdom is profitable to direct, in most cases its the men I see with all the fears you have listed out because of their natural ego, by adopting. See it as a service to humanity and God because that child will be priviledge to have the parents he/she never had and over time from experiences I have seen that child will begin to look like you and eventually your character will begin to rub off on that child regardless of the circumstance surrounding the birth eg by rape.

  12. Pls adopt, at this point wisdom is profitable to direct, in most cases its the men I see with all the fears you have listed out because of their natural ego, by adopting. See it as a service to humanity and God because that child will be priviledge to have the parents he/she never had and over time from experiences I have seen that child will begin to look like you and eventually your character will begin to rub off on that child regardless of the circumstance surrounding the birth eg by rape. Not forgetting that God’s will for you will be fulfiled.

  13. No u are not a heartless christian, you are just a fearFUL one. If you really love children does it matter where she or he comes from??? This topic is one I can relate too cos I have a close relative who habours these same fears and its been about 10yrs and still nothing (her hubby bless his soul isn’t as sweet as urs but that’s story for some other day). If u are a christian u wld know by now that it doesn’t matter what the world thinks but what God thinks, so u adopted a child, as long as ur hubby and u want it then that’s fine, really I mean really no one else matters, so leave naija pple, bcos dey will still talk about ur lack of children anyway, so u might as well give dem smthn good to talk about. Its not the 9months, 24 hour labour ,child bearing that makes u a woman, its being able to be a mother to any child that makes u one (so that’s not a good enough excuse) showing anoda child love is proof that u are more than a mother.
    Oh but of cos there is a natural bond. I love kids and as soon as u leave me in their presence for one moment I start to think dey r mine and believe me a child would change u so much u wldnt remember smone else carried dem. How cld u bring urself to treat ur own child poorly, one who shares ur name, who has kept u up at night, who u ve shared lots of first moments with, if u really have love in ur heart, u can’t n will not treat dem diff.
    If u had a child who had some strange disease would u abandon dem in d hospital bcos dey r not perfect??? And seriously seriously u think a child wld grow and be mad at u bcos u can’t explain why dey are ‘AS’ (is u kidding me) or they wld be glad dat despite all of that u still wanted them. Wld knowing d childs parents make u love them any less, so what if they were abandoned or as a result of rape what did d child do to deserve any of that aren’t dey to be loved just as much as urs??? Adoption is not a bad thing, its not a means to an end, it is not the solution to ur problem, its only another opportunity for u to be a mother whether u carried dat baby or not, dey deserve to be loved. Cast ur fears on God and every other thing will fall into place. Your worries are just worries (its like a rocking chair it will keep u soo busy but it will take u no where. No1 said u shld stop believing in God but adopting doesn’t mean u trust him any less. Children are a gift from God whether dey are as a result of rape, abandoned or they came from u. Go get ur gift . However some women can be mean, yoruba’s say it is a child’s head that calls another into this world, so if u can’t adopt for the right reasons then don’t. but ask yourself What Would Jesus Do

  14. I don’t see anything wrong in adoption, there’s an adage that says “it a child that brings a child” all ur complains says you don’t trust God, does that mean you cannot take care of a child that’s not your own? There are sometimes in life that what you looking for, God will want you to care of another 1st to test our commitment. You should be grateful that your husband is not threaten you with another woman. If you love children like you claim, you will adopt a child, your focus shouldn’t be about what people will say, it should be what will Jesus do. Maybe your blessings are tied to the child you will adopt if you will open your heart and love that child unconditionally, becos the love of God is shared abroad in our hearts.

  15. My dear child of God,
    I’ll advice you to step into one of those homes and bless a child by adoption. I really dnt think that would stop your chances of getting pregnant, rather it will reduce the anxiaty and ehance the chances of getting pregnant. Go ahead my dear.

  16. Dear Beloved Honest Sister,
    God bless you real good. Let me go straight to the point by suggesting that you adhere to what your husband said by adopting a child since you said he is a serious christian. God is not an author of confusion so respect your husband by adopting the child and beside you weren’t the first to start adopting and neither will you be the last
    Secondly adopting a child may be an acid test from God to test how best you can handle,cherish and care for other people’s children which are God’s children because he said in his word that children are heritage from him. So go ahead and do that. Also who knows maybe in the process of taking that step of faith you could be pregnant cause we serve a humorous God and maybe all what God wanted from you was to obey your husband because he God can speak through any human vessel so go ahead.
    Conclusively, don’t be scared if you will be able to love the adopted child as your own because the will of God won’t take you outside his grace so surely you shall receive grace to love the adopted child as your own even as you ask God for that grace that you will even be amazed. And don’t forget to ask for the leading of the holy spirit because he knows the end from the beginning. It is turning to you for a testimony. Shalom!!!

  17. Dear honest sister,I see nothing wrong in adoption.I’ve witnessed cases of where a childless couple of 10years adopted a set of twins @ 3months of birth and the way they took care of those kids made some people feel that thoe kids were their biological kids.Behold,the God that uses basket to fetch water to disgrace the enemy came to their defence and He opened the womb of the woman and they had a baby girl.What I am trying to say in effect is that ‘who knows if God wants you to take care of someone elses’ child and see you treat that child as yours before He gives you yours.Forget about what people will say,you didn’t come into this world to please anyone except your maker.So please pray about it and let God give you the wisdom to act wisely.God bless you.

  18. Dear honest sister,
    I have carefully read through your story and I must say,I really under§tand your plight. Every point you gave is a valid one. My life is a testimony.if you haven’t tried it,you can’t conclude on an issue based on assumption.
    Firstly,you have to realise that no one has the right to stigmatize you for adopting a child,its none of their business.
    Secondly,you can choose to relocate outside nigeria as soon as you are through with the adoption process as long as you are in contact with the social worker,since you can’t stand the stigmatization in nigeria.
    Thirdly,the way we see things is a choice. You can choose to see it differently.you can choose to say this is what God has for me now and I choose to rejoice around this circumstance.you are a child of God choose to see things through Gods eyes.
    Fourthly,yes there can be a naturally bond,if you allow it.I was raised by my grandmother and that was the best gift God gave me.sis,you need to tell the Father to give an open heart he can work on.let God help you.
    5# you will definately get pregnant some day.I have seen cases of women who have had several ivf cycles and then bam they got pregnant naturally after 9 ivf cycles some get pregnant at their 5th ivf cycle.it works for people differently.but will throw a your adopted baby away because you are pregnant.am sure you fear God and that won’t happen.
    If the genotype is an issue be specific with the social worker on what you want,tell God what you want and he will grant you the desires of your heart.
    Yes raising a child can be life altering,who know maybe this child will help you adjust your life properly before you start having your biological children.
    I believe if you want to meet with the parents of the child, some social worker should be able to help with that if that is what you want.so what if the was born out of rape.mind you,rape is not just in society,it also happens in homes where husbands forcefully sleep with their wives without mutual agreement.will such parents throw children that result from such union away.I don’t think so.
    You and your spouse need to come to a point of agreement.you both need to pray and hear God clearly on this issue. What God says to you will be what you can hold unto.who knows you may have just adpted the next president of Nigeria or United states. Cast all your fears of adption on Jesus,for he cares for you. Relax sis.
    Remember fear is False Evidences Apearing Real.
    Let God speak to both of you and follow what ever he tells you.
    Takia.
    Lots of love
    A friend

  19. Dear Honest Sister, You’ve brought your case to the right source and am sure God is ready for you as you share your story. My brother once told me that: if you listen to what people will say, you will not have progress in life. There are some decision you have to take without thinking of people around. As you are thinking of your own side, try and consider your husband as well. Adopting a child most times open door of fruitfulness. The Bible says Love your neighbor as thyself, there is none other commandment greater than these, you have to love the child as one of your own. God bless you.

  20. Hi Readers,
    I really don’t think that there is anything wrong with adopting a child. fine you have stated all your reasons But as a child of God all those reasons are not Godly. If your husband support the idea why not give it a trial, even if you finally have a child of your own it doesn’t stop you from loving the adopted child. check you age and your husband and ask yourself “at what age do you want to start nursing a child” . why not take that bold step and put a smile on that innocent motherless child that is waiting for you. God bless you.

  21. I understand your fears and all the reasons advanced. I think the only real reason is your fear of the stigma – what will people say. The truth is people are already talking
    now and will talk more if you end up childless – or will you rather adopt at 60? You don’t have to love the child as yours if you really can’t (you have no way of knowing
    anyway). All you have to do is love the child like I am sure you love your friends’ kids and kids around you. if you later have kids of you have lost nothing. People who
    already have kids are adopting just to give a life to someone else – no big deal. it’s also not a problem if the child finds out he/she was adopted. If properly handled, they’ll
    forever be grateful. and that bit about your husband’s threats being empty because he is a Christian. He may not do anything untoward but he sure is not happy and I don’t
    see how you can be happy when your husband is not happy – unless, ofcourse, if you don’t love him. my advise, adoption may not be ideal but it has made a lot of prople
    happy. I’m sure you won’t regret it.

  22. Dﻉåя Sister,biko ℓ̊ sincerely feel Ɣ☺u are being too self driven here!the first thing u shuld do as a xtain is to seek Gods face on this whole issue and let him help u.going by ur own issues on adoption trust me u won’t go anywia if God doesn’t help you!Adoption is not bad and its very biblical (Moses was raised by pharaohs daughter)! So chill out and put it at the feet of Jesus and also babe pls listen to the voice of wisdom(ur husband)the bible said wisdom is principal to direct o!all this tinz u clamouring about aint even the issues!the destiny of dis said child wud be asked of u!

  23. Dear ma, thank God for his word and for the Holy Spirit that leads us. The problem isn’t about adoption. The challenge here is you. You have so many “do’s” and “don’t”, you are living in so much fear and “what if’s”. That’s something you have to deal with. As a Christian mother, you have to teach your kids to live by faith and not worry. This is taught by example. You should adopt for the right reasons. From a position of abundance and not lack. God has blessed you with as many children as you desire (the fact that you don’t see them doesn’t mean they don’t exist). Don’t adopt because you want God to bless you with your own. Adopt because you love. Your husband is so full of that love and he is willing to share it with anyone. I believe your home is full of love and you both are great Christian, imagine a child that would have otherwise grown up on the streets, learning to become a wonderful person like you both, Experiencing the love that wouldn’t have been his/hers, becoming a blessing to his/her world, just because you and your husband decided to share your love and the love of Christ with him or her. Whenever you have kids, it wouldn’t change anything, because you did it out of love. I have so much to share, but I think my comment is too long already. You have to trust the love of God in you. It never fails. Love you and praying for you.

  24. Dear Honest Sister,

    The fact is, there is nothing wrong with adoption and just like someone said to me, we are all adopted children of GOD (Rom 8:15)
    But I would prefer to answer each point so u don’t have any doubts
    #1, By now you should know that people will always talk. Whether you have a child or not, whether you adopt or not, people will yarn, so she should just bone that.
    #2 “You might see the child as a constant reminder of your failure to conceive”: Well, that’s an option or you can see the child as a constant reminder that you succeeded in helping raise a godly seed. You can see the child as a constant reminder of your success at being a mother. Mother Theresa is known as the Mother to a lot of people. They were reminders of her success as a Mother. I doubt she gave birth to all
    You can accomplish GOD’s Will through that child and save a life that might otherwise be wrecked
    #3 There will always be a natural bond with anyone you choose to love. But You have to choose to love the child. You love your uncles or friends children. Who told you they didn’t adopt. Its a choice to love. Once that choice is made, it will be natural. After all, you fell n love with your husband you didn’t give birth to, was it natural?? If you did it once, you can do it again Love is a choice
    #4 If You get pregnant, well, Thank GOD. But always remember that you had a child first. The truth is, this is all in your mind. Let The Word reign in your mind (1st Cor 13) and you would not treat anyone unfairly
    #5 As Many as are led by the SPIRIT of GOD, They are the sons of GOD. Believe GOD for the grace to make the right choice for adoption and HE will direct your path. Plus, there are ways through the agency (a good one) that you can get all this info.
    As regards what you will tell the child, if you love him as yours what difference does it make?? I’m of the opinion that in reality, He might never need to know he was adopted. But Even if you do want to tell him, then note that The Same HOLY SPIRIT can lead you
    #6 This point is just one made u cause you want to make more points. Like I said before, its in your mind and it really doesn’t matter. Is a rape child not a person???
    #7 Yes You can, Yes You can, Yes you Can!! Its a decision, all you have to do is make it
    Note: All these points should help you see the light. But You should pray and seek GOD for a renewal of your mind (1st Pet 2:2; James 1:20; Rom 12:2). Also, remember that you are to submit to your husband. If your husband is a serious Christian then He would be led by GOD. Follow the Leading and always Pray.

    GOD loves you, accept the love and understand that HE made you perfect. HE has no sub-standard children.

    Cheers dear

  25. Dear Honest Sister,
    Believe me, I understand ur fears and all. But you have to understand dat all your fears aren’t God borne, its a limitation of the mind. I think adoption is a noble thing. My advice, both of you should pray about it. If God says yes, please go ahead but prepare yourself adequately before doing so. That your husband is open to the idea of adoption is a plus, because most guys usually aren’t and it shows he isn’t bothered by what people would say or think. So should you too. As far as u are backed by God, people’s opinions shouldn’t matter. Prepare yourself by praying, reading books and doing research. And am sure by the time you’re ready to adopt your heart would be ready for it. You also have to accept this adopted child as yours and remove the word “adopted” from ur dictionary. Children are a gift from God, but this time it just wasn’t through you, it was through someone else and God entrusted him/her to you to nurture. When the child is mature enough to know dat he/she is adopted, you should tell him/her. Hiding the it is never a good option, but also emphasize that it doesn’t matter, he/she is just God’s very special gift to the both of you. When you eventually have your own kids, you have to also explain to them when they are also emotionally mature. As per the character of the child, “train up a child in the way he should go….” After all has been said and done, let God lead you and teach you. And all the best!

  26. Dear Honest Sis,
    Your concerns are well founded and I would like to address them as you have numbered them.
    #1. The truth is that people talk about you. They have always talked about u and would continue to do so. I advise you to go ahead and do what you believe is best for you. At least you would be smiling with satisfaction while they talk, this time. Besides, what matters is what God says and thinks about you, nothing else.
    #2. Not being able to conceive is not failure. Failure is not being able to reproduce. Reproduce (oxford dictionary)means ‘ to produce a copy or representation of’, ’cause to be seen or heard etc again.’
    These you can achieve by adopting a little one in whom you can impart all or some of those wonderful attributes that God has deposited in you. By raising a child that you did not give birth to, you have reproduced and you have not failed. Honest sis, you have succeeded!
    #3. Yes, you could because love is a choice not a feeling . You would choose to love the child and yes, there would be a bond because you get love from a child you have given love to.
    #4. Its your choice to do so, sis and I believe you would make the best one. A child you ‘ve loved and raised would not be treated differently from the one you gave birth to. Besides, you could hardly treat all your biological children alike. You would consider their strengths and weaknesses in relating to them. That, I am sure would also be the case for your adopted child. Adoption shouldn’t make him/ her any different from the rest. And I must add that most adoptions open the door to a house full of children in most cases. So better gear up for the journey.
    #5. Please take a min to praise God for the husband He has given you. ‘ You marry well’ as PM would say. Leave those for God to worry about. Just ask Him for what you need and trust Him to deliver. However, I advise that you always tell the child the truth. A child deserves to know he/she was adopted when he/she Is old enough. I assure you, it would not change anything if you have raised the child well enough to make the right choices in life.
    #6. You are the child’s parent and your character is what counts. A child only knows what you teach him/her. Besides, let us leave God’s wahala for Him. He’s an expert in such matters. A child conceived through rape knows nothing about it, neither is it his/her fault. Every child deserves nothing but love as children are gifts from God and God does not give any bad gift.
    #7. Yes, Honest Sis, you could if you choose to. God chose to love us that He sent His only Son to die for us despite our sins and wickedness. We still plotted and killed Him, yet he still loves us. Like I said, its your choice. Go ahead, choose to adopt and love a child, choose to put a smile on d face of that your amazing husband. Choose to do the right thing.

    Yours Faithfully,
    Henri

  27. Dear honest sister,I understand what you’re feeling and trust me,you are right and fine to feel that way,these are possibilities that shouldn’t be overlooked when handling such situatIons but a month child is a fresh creature that knows absolutely nothing and it is Ur job to open the child to the world. 1: why do you bother about what people think? You should occupy your mind with how God will feel if you adopt,,it is only the unwise and ungodly that will say negative about it,but helping a child truly in need is when you’ll receive true and lasting blessings. forget about people and think of how pleased and joyful christ would be,if you act based on people’s judgment then I’m sorry to say but christ will be ashamed of You on that day of judgment. 2:do not think things like that when you see the child. see your act of bravery because nOt all women are brave enough to do what you want to do,also remember we are adopted children of God through christ,we were bought with a prize but God loves us so dearly and called us his sons and daughters and we partake in his inheritance so you should follow his footstep if you’re truly a christian,see that child the way christ sees us and love the child so dearly like how God loves us. 3:Yes u can love that child,don’t let the devil remind you that the child was adopted,be reminded constantly of we and christ and you’ll be able to love that child like yours. 4:being partial is a decision,if you love that even after you get your own,you will 4get you adopted the child coz a mother’s love shows no partiality,the child should have equal rights and don’t let the other kids know,teach them to love each other so that at the appropriate time when you reveal the truth,love will still abound. 5:if the child is AS,at the appropriate time reveal the truth to the child but do it with so much love in your eyes that the child wii bless God for having you,if the child is SS,I know God will intervene,do not worry,play your part as a true mother and still reveal at the appropriate time to the child. 6:characters and behaviours are mostly acquired than inherited,so it is your job to train that child in the fear of God and if you observe some bad behaviours,put a stop to it quickly before the child is used to it,it doesn’t matter if the child came as a result of rape,what matters are the characters you inculcate into the child and the ones he/she sees in the environment, 7:if you think you canKt,then that is where the holy spirit comes in,to help,teach and show you how,every now and then when your strenght fails,christ is always there to help you just sincerely call him to come and take over. Your husband is a good man and is right,you should be thankful for his kind,jus few of them would bring such suggestion.I wish I could talk to you and tell you more reasons why it is a good idea but ask the holy spirit for directions and for him to help you accomodate the idea.thank you dear sister and God bless you.

  28. Dear Honest Sister, I understand what you’re going through & my advice is Don’t Adopt, FOR NOW, until you deal with your fears, if your husband is understandable as u’ve stated, call his attention to all these fears you have, tell him to give you some time to deal with it through a good Counselor. Cos if u don’t deal with this now and adopt a Child in this your state, it won’t be easy for you to handle, u can’t automatically change like that because everyone says you should adopt. There’s nothing wrong with adoption, but if your emotions can’t carry it, then u’re not fit to adopt NOW. Tell your husband to give you some time, better still, let him go with you for Counselling so you would be very comfortable to explain all these to him dats if u’re scared he won’t understand you. I believe your Faith would make you concieve, believe in God’s word and don’t doubt.

  29. My dear I will suggest u join hands with ur husband if u wnt peace to remain in ur home n know this that GoD works in mysterious ways in the sense that, the chilD might be a blessing or open doors to u only if u take n love the baby like urs am talking frm experience.

  30. This is a difficult situation. However nothing surpasses Gods direction.
    First suggestion is you need to deal with self, in total submission surrender you to God and let him taake care of you fears and imaginations.
    Secondly, it is a good thing you are honest about your fears but be prepared to tell an adopted child someday the story. I don’t think you can hide the case of adoption especially in Nigeria.
    Furthermore, consider your husbands desires for a child and don’t assume that he is a good christian so his sentence is just a threat, men in flesh and blood face temptations for the things they desire, he is faor to suggest adoption. I think you should prayerfully reconsider your stand.
    Lastly, a child may be a product of a rape and with genotype challenges, these things are not easy to handle but you have a friend and comforter who is above all your teacher! The Holy Spirit! Let him direct your decision and choice while you keep praying for your biological baby, and there’s no harm if yours come after adoption. Hope this helps.

    Becky Ohiaeri

  31. First of all u have a very loving and understanding husband. Kudos to that. Its usually d other way round wer d woman wants d adoption & d man doesn’t. So u r blessed to hv such a man.
    Now, some of your fears were centered around wat people think. May I remind u that no one,and I repeat no one got married for u. U and ur hubby took dt step b4 God so wat ppl think shouldn’t evn b considered. Ur 2nd question suggests u’ve given up on God and ur self. Adoption doesn’t mean u’ve failed as a woman,it means u r a SUPER woman who can take care of a child she didn’t naturally bear as though she did. Have u ever heard a child cry &not be moved? Sweetie,motherhood is in u. Parenting is a priviledge given to us by God. Every child is ur child. If I may add, u hv such a beautiful spirit cos I believe that if u didn’t care abt d child u want to adopt, u wouldn’t be asking these important questions. Do d best for dt child cos it might be a test from God,and trust him for more kids by natural means. Luv u Lots.

  32. Dear beloved sister,
    Adoption is such a powerful name and relates directly to our relationship with Christ.But to all who believed him and accepted him, he gave the right to become children of God (John 1:12).you were also adopted into the body of christ irrespective of ur past.Don’t bother ur head abt aw d child was concieved or delivered.During ur process of adoption u Might be given a chance to take d child to any hospital that suits u as to confirm d genotype or any of ur doubt.U don’t know if God is actually preparing u for ur own biological children.I wish u good luck n pray that the God of Abraham,Isaac and Jacob will open ur womb In Jesus Mighty name.Amen

  33. As far as I am concerned!you are very free to adopt! A chid is a child be it urs or sumone elses, after all we are meant to love each other as ourselves,my dear pls if I where u and ma hubby gave me such go ahead?pls go adopt and when ur own baby cums too dats ur second crown too…it is well nd will b easy for u.

  34. my dear sister to be honest to u I really understand your fears but bear this in mind every body likes children there is no way on earth that child will not put a smile on your face the moment that child enters your home you ll be amazed what GOD will do in your life am telling you your story will change,adopting a child doesn’t mean you are not woman there s no barren woman on earth (u can’t hate your brother or your sisters child can u ?no )your husband makes you happy make him happy too,maybe he wants it because the house 2 quiet , adopting a child is more blessing too your home see that child as your happiness joy peace gift and above all LOVE GOD bless u !!!

  35. Dear honest sister,not having a child isn’t your making,let the will of God would be done at the appointed time.As for your husband,he is a good person coping till date,and suggesting an adoption.my contribution to this child adoption is that you pray over this,seeking God’s direction before taking the step,because some children adopted could turn out as a problem,secondly it is best adopting a toddler,so you can deal with all fears,giving the child the maternal care,nurturing him/her the way you want ,and also if you are financially capable,I would advise you change your environment,like travelling abroad etc,avoiding what people would say,if you got fears also from people’s reaction.Loving this child with all your heart,can make God give you a child no matter your age,and if he does,don’t be partial,treat them equally with love.

  36. Hmn…I undastand in dis part of d world adoption isn’t widely accepted.however,there comes a time in life that it isn’t about what people will say anymore,now its about you,ur husband n keeping d peace in ur home.if having a child means so much to ur hubby dat he’s suggesting adoption,I think u shd honestly give it sm thot.u haven’t failed as a woman bcos it is God that gives children n who says u still can’t have kids of ur own even afta adopting.And pls don’t thk of only urself in ds situation,thk of ur husband too n don’t tk his being supportive all dese years for granted.he is also involved in ds n his feelings must be considered.yes,all those issues u mentioned abt adoption are very valid bt once uve set ur mind to do it,deres always a way around it.even having a baby of ur own has its own unforseen issues dat may arise but bcos we v set our minds to loving our little one no mata wat,we find a way around those issues.so pls dear sister,don’t close d door totally to adoption,gv it a thot,talk to ppl who have done it n above all ask fr Gods guidance.meanwhyl,don’t stop believing God fr ur own miracle.Gods ways are not our ways.If u finally end up adopting,see it as an opportunity to mk a difference in a childs life.forget about people pls.ds is btw u,ur husband and God.I wish u all the very best as u go thru ds period.

  37. Dear honest sister,hmmmm,I normally don’t comment on issues like this but I’m compelled to..
    Have you thought of the fact that the reason God hasn’t given you a child now is because there’s a child he has destined out there for you to help nuture to a glorious destiny that will favor you also?
    If you can’t love an adopted child,then why do you expect God to show you love and grant your heart desires?
    This is why the saying goes,that man is the architect of his own misfortune.you have a loving,and considerate husband who not for his stance in christianity would have opted for a second wife.pls go adopt a child and probably that might be the key to unlocking your barrenness!it is well!

  38. Love ur husband’s prayer… Children indeed bring joy, fun and peace even understanding in a home.. My no 1 Honest opinion is this Look less of people and see ur family been brighter, wat anybody thinks or say abt u or ur home doesn’t count infact dnt even think it at all… If Oga says his okay with adoption u must be lucky to have a great hubby that understands o, seriously very little men out there give that option its always d woman’s idea.. if Oga says yes plz do adopt, look for one very big water and throw ur fears inside.. Lol ** silly me* where the child is coming from doesn’t count at all infact doesn’t exist in d picture.. U put hope and light into that child, LOVE that child, see that child as if he/she is ur flesh and blood no discrimination at all.. don’t think for pple my dear, let them think and say wat thy like for that’s there occupation hmm.. And dnt keep it a secret for the child, as he/she grows of age let her know her origin it goes a long way and clears d future fear of uncertainties.. And one of d greatest medicine for conception is worryless, plzzzzz its hard o, once ure done with adoption focus on ur lovely child and blessing and thinkless when ure concious at times its not really good u will b so amased that very soon u will hve 2 babies to take care of bcos urs is very close already, d joy of a child in a home draws children closer….

    For me o, I prefer a new born sef very tender and innocent, bcos its easy to pass on d goodwill unto a newborn than an older bby, no fear, SS is not ur portion forget abt d genotype or bloodgroup just love and MOTHER the child, is wat d child sees in ur house that he/she grows with and most importantly thank God ur a xtain, d single prayer of that bby sef will open doors in heaven for u…
    And don’t forget to do ur documentation’s very well o.. Ova important

  39. Dear honest sister, i understand Ūя̲̅ fears but u should consider Ūя̲̅ husband as well because he has gone through Ŧђε̲̣̣̣̥ issues of child bearing severally before bringing up Ŧђε̲̣̣̣̥ idea of adopting A̶̲̥̅̊ new born or A̶̲̥̅̊ month baby S̴̩☺̴̩̩̥ D̶̲̥̅̊α̇̇̇̊τ̲̣̣̥ u will train Ŧђε̲̣̣̣̥ child Ŧђε̲̣̣̣̥ way u want him/her 2 be because there Į̸̸̨§ A̶̲̥̅̊ say D̶̲̥̅̊α̇̇̇̊τ̲̣̣̥ says train A̶̲̥̅̊ child d way of God S̴̩☺̴̩̩̥ D̶̲̥̅̊α̇̇̇̊τ̲̣̣̥ when dey grows D̶̲̥̅̊ε̲̣̣̣̥γ̲̣̣̥ wil neva depart from Ι̥τ̲̅ . And talkn abt d not known d child’s genotype, d hospital have 2 give or show u everything concerning D̶̲̥̅̊α̇̇̇̊τ̲̣̣̥ particular baby.concerning Ūя̲̅ fear abt whether u will L♥√ع d baby as Ūя̲̅ own, ♍γ̲̣̣̥ dear sister, J̶̲̥̅̊u̶̲̥̅̊ƨ̣̣̣̇̇̇̇τ̣̣̥ put Ι̥τ̲̅ ℓ̊n̶̲̥̅̊to prayer there Į̸̸̨§ nothing impossile 4 God,i promise u God will give u Ŧђε̲̣̣̣̥ heart and wisdom 2 L♥√ع and care for D̶̲̥̅̊α̇̇̇̊τ̲̣̣̥ baby and through D̶̲̥̅̊α̇̇̇̊τ̲̣̣̥ baby God wil give u Ŧђε̲̣̣̣̥ grace to conceive. Remember Ūя̲̅ husband stand “while u are praying 4 children; A̶̲̥̅̊ child will ß praying Fø̲̣̣я̅ u, and concerning abt wat pple will say, ♍γ̲̣̣̥ dear , forget abt wat pple wil say cos D̶̲̥̅̊ε̲̣̣̣̥γ̲̣̣̥ wil always say focus on d one God wil say cos u re living Fø̲̣̣я̅ God.

  40. đǝα̲̅r honest sister,hmmmm!wow!..first U̶̲̥̅̊ ® so very lucky! U̶̲̥̅̊ mean Ɣ☺ΰr hubby actually suggested adoption? He I̶̲̥̅̊S̶̲̥̅̊ a true xtian.truth I̶̲̥̅̊S̶̲̥̅̊ dat deres nothing wrong with adoption.

    #1:deres no stigma attached †̥♥ it.all it takes I̶̲̥̅̊S̶̲̥̅̊ LOVE. U̶̲̥̅̊ cant live a victorious life if U̶̲̥̅̊ count oda peoples opinion(s) as important #2:sometimes adopted kids pave way 4 conception (children ® blessings from GOD#3 if U̶̲̥̅̊ truly love urself U̶̲̥̅̊ will love him/her(its natural).#4: prayer I̶̲̥̅̊S̶̲̥̅̊ The key! Let God’s lov flow in u. #5:prayer I̶̲̥̅̊S̶̲̥̅̊ the key…i advise dat U̶̲̥̅̊ explain it †̥♥ the child wen the time comes#6:wen U̶̲̥̅̊ adopt,the child I̶̲̥̅̊S̶̲̥̅̊ urs…wen we give our lives †̥♥ christ we adopt his nature.#7 prayer I̶̲̥̅̊S̶̲̥̅̊ the key! Ūя̲̅ husband I̶̲̥̅̊S̶̲̥̅̊ right! Children bring peace Ąπϑ favour. Wen i met ma fiance,i told him dat i would adopt weda i av kids or not.it won’t be easy but it will be worth it

  41. Hi darling,
    I must say this is just a good way to getting your problems solved(you highlighting your fears).
    Please know that all good and perfect gift comes from God and that includes that child you want to adopt. As christians, we’ve been instructed to love even our ENEMIES!!!!
    Let the holyspirit do his work in you, let him change your mindset, rather than seeing them as a constant reminder of ‘you being a failure as a woman’ see them as an assurrance that you will have yours(there shall none be barren amongst you – that includes you).

    As for what people would say, Let them say, your business now is you are happy and your hubby is happy and when you do that, the people talking would turn around and laugh with you.

    Who says you can’t know the genotype of a 1 month old infant? You can so that shouldn’t scare you okay.

    Most importantly yield yourself to the holyspirit…He teacheth us all things. Remain blessed darling.

  42. My advice may be a bitter pill to swallow but will voice out anyways… I’m quite dissapointed that you take your husbands words for granted. You’ d be shocked that a christian can not only bark but bite when pushed to the wall. And what makes it more interesting is that we have an all forgiving God that accepts us back in sober mood after we bite.
    It Might amaze you when a strange woman presents a child, a second and probably a third, he wont bother with a DNA test cos he needs children anyways.then it might occur to you that you’d loose your childbearing case and also loose your loving christian husband (mind you, that species is going into extinction, so count yourself favoured).
    As per the stigma in our part of the world….A few women who did not take my mum’s advice to adopt in their prime, eventually did in their fifties/sixties when all energy had waned and they could not enjoy the child’s growing years. Also the stigma they were running away from now becomes so glaring as gossips begin by wondering aloud if she were the mother or grandmother of the toddler that calls her mummy.
    Give yourself an honest answer to this….. Can you actually love unconditionally a close friends or a sisters child like your own. Assuming you actually loose a loved friend or blood sibling and you’re now saddled with the responsibility of taking up their kids, will you have terms and conditions to love them or you’d say that’s a different case? adoption is not limited to a child being dumped in a gutter and you take up from an orphanage o, its all about your ability to close your eyes to a childs origin/history and start on a fresh slate giving a child the very best a parent desires and much more. in fact, knowing too much about the history before adoption can distort your decision making process. this is the part where the bliss in ignorance is very helpful. In fact u should blank your mind to the past and take care of the child soooo well that even children with their biological parents sef go dey beef am.If our father in heaven considers our past before blessing us, then the whole world will not qualify.
    .I’m blessed with the most amazing 3 year old girl, whom I conceived after several doctors foresaw doom. So considering adoption from day one for me was like breathing..I don plan the spacing sef,that after two years of the first, i take another child. See ehn,Regardless of whether my child came from my loins or not, I can’t imagine coming home from work after a long ..hard day and there’s no one to run to me singing ” maaaaai muuuummmyyyyyyy”, no one to scatter my room just for the fun of it, no one to drive me almost insane and bring me back to normal with same efficiency.
    I’m believing God for another miracle and I stand in faith with you and your husband, I’m also believing God to open my husband’s heart to accepting a child into our home, cos I’m desperate to give a child a deserving home in thanksgiving to God for giving me a child against all odds. I hope I’ve been able to assist with the renewal of your mind, damn what the world thinks.This world that most of the people in it dont even know what they want for themselves.?
    I pray that God grants you the heart to love without reservation, so that you won’t miss out on the joys of motherhood.

  43. I know everyone will try and empathise with you but seriously, no one can truly understands pain except they have experienced it themselves. That said it is sad that people treat adoption as a stigma. I’m even sadder at the people who adopt and break their necks, trying to cover it up. While I don’t expect parents to submit their names for award nominations because they have adopted a child, I believe that those who don’t surround their adoption process with a cloud of secrecy will help dispel some of this stigma. My sister, adopting a baby is probably as risky has having a child. I’m sorry if this sounds pessimistic but what if you fall pregnant and give birth to a baby with Down’s or some other congenital illness? Please adopt quickly without haste for that matter, I know you are scared, confused even but adoption is a a very good option and in answer to your questions
    1) I hope I answered this in the litany above. Please if you decide to adopt, don’t be afraid to let people know you did. You and your husband can chase 10,000 so no one can stand against you but I can assure you that they will try. It is really great the suggestion is coming from your husband. Also let your child know as soon as he’s old enough, that he was adopted but assure him of your love trust me, it will dissuade people from trying to use it against your family as a weapon. I know someone (a very Nigerian lady) who was told of her adoption and she was/is better for it. In fact we all knew growing up and it was never an issue. She’s married with her own family now.
    2) You have not failed as a woman. The only person who stayed childless in the Bible was Michal; for a reason. You will carry a child. Most of the women who adopt, eventually have their own children. It is a seed, you’ll reap the reward. You’re fulfilling someone else’s dream, God will fulfil yours.
    3)Yes. Do you have nieces, neighbours, friend’s kids you love?
    4) That’s why you have the Holy spirit to guide you. You may have to put conscious effort in ensuring fairness but since you’re thinking about this already, I have a good feeling about you.
    5) You can detect a child’s genotype in the womb (chorionic villus sampling) or at birth. Hopefully you won’t have to deal with this and refer to answer 1 above about the telling your child.
    6) I don’t think it matters, in fact if it is a rape child, it will be something beautiful coming out of an ugly situation. Don’t think about the child’s birth circumstances. Jesus loves us regardless of our past and expects us to love others the same way.
    7) If you get a newborn, you’ll be too busy with raising the child to remember it’s not yours. And besides, the minute you bring the child home, it’s yours. Always think of salvation. Being a mum is instinctive and you’ll pick up and hone on your skills with time. When your child looks at you, your heart will melt!
    This might all sound easy but it’ll take patience, strength and wisdom, all which God will grant you. Look for parents who have adopted (and are willing ) to guide you through the process. Have their/a child stay over for a weekend and see how it feels. Read and arm yourself with healthy information about adoption and raising children. It is well my sister.

  44. Dear Honest Sister,
    I totally understand how you feel and I know they seem real right now but I want to share something that most mothers won’t tell you. When I gave birth to my daughter, it felt unreal and I can honestly say there was no bond per se at birth. I actually didn’t feel like a mother or any special feeling at the start and I hear this is common with mothers. It takes a while for that bond to form and it comes with caring for the child, nurturing it, etc. There are many, many stories of parents who sacrificed greatly for their adopted children or stepsons. I assure you, if you adopt a child and just focus on loving the child, you yourself will forget that the child was adopted. And it doesn’t mean you still can’t have children of your own. Just keep standing on God’s word that you already know and believe

  45. I like the fact that U looked at adoption very critically aibelt from a slightly negative point of view.
    First question; have U prayed about it? If the answer is yes, has he spoken to U to U personally about it? I understand ur situation and how it feels like adoption is throwing in the towel and saying it’s over but it’s not it. I’m sure you’ve heard many stories of couples in your situation who adopted a child and were blessed with their own children though that should not be the reason U should adopt a child but adoption does not mean it’s over or God has forgotten U, but please hear from God first
    Second Question; U finally have your biological child and thirty years later there’s evidence to prove that the child was switched at birth and therefore not biologically yours, would U̶̲̥̅̊ love him or her any less? It is very possible for U̶̲̥̅̊ to love an adopted child as fiercely as a biological child, U need God’s grace and U need to open your heart. It’s not easy I’ll be first to admit but it’s very possible.
    Third Question; Nature or nurture? U raised a valid point about who the parents of the child were, but a godly upbringing will trump genetics everytime. Little wonder the founder of the Jesuit order said give me a child for the first seven years and I’ll tell U who he’ll become.
    Fourth question; Do U think you’ll never be able to love that child? That is the most critical question. There’s no point in adopting a child if U have no love in heart for him/her although it may surprise U how quickly U could get to love that child.
    I’m glad the adoption idea came from ur husband, cos men are more into the ‘fruit of my loins’ thing. Pastor M once preached about the wisdom of the head of the family, he’s God’s rep in the family. His ideas may seem foolish to U now but they might not really be foolish in the long run.
    It’s gonna be a tough decision for u but trust God to speak to U and give U the wisdom and grace you’ll need.

    1. Dear honest sister, u have a very considerate and understanding husband. There’s nothing wrong in adoption, jst pray about the child u’re going to adoption and everything concerning the adoption process for God to direct u. I understand every other thing u’ve said but for the part of loving d child, I don’t. think that should be an issue except u’re not the loving type. My elder brother and his wife had been married for 13yrs, before they finally adopted 4 yrs ago with the help of my mum’s younger sister. Initially, my mum frowned @ it(behind their back). My mum is not educated so she doesn’t knw much about this things but after about some months she accepted this child and she started buying all sorts of goodies 4 ds grl. The grl is now four and she looks so much like my brother’s wife. We all love her and we’ve all forgotten that she was adopted. She’s d egg of the family so loved by all. So, my dear sister u don’t have to be afraid of anything. Your attitude towards the child will show others how to treat the child. May God give u the grace to do the right thing.

  46. #1. I know u adopting a child isn’t possible, but why don’t u see it these way; Sometime if u want something u need to go out of ur way to help someone who has what u want i.e adopting a child might just be a stepping stone 4 you to bear children…
    #2. Thank God u have a wonderful husband that has accepted u d way u r and what he wants is 4 u to adopt a child, many husbands wudnt do so…. it is sincerely not easy,but u need to stop thinking if u can cope with child and believe in God to help u bring up d child the same way u will bring up ur own children. U never can tell that child cud eventually be an additional blessing to ur marriage…..
    #3. for me what people wil say doesn’t really matter here,
    Finally Luke 12:34 says 4 where your treasure is,there will ur heart be also; if having a child is what u desire then adopting a child wudnt be a problem cus I believe u will nurture d child as urs…. Don’t worry just keep believing God he will do it 4 u…

  47. Go ahead an adopt,like your husband said children brings joy peace and makes you feel young, a month old is wounderful so you realy feel evry bit of motherhood,you ar not living your life for any body,afriad of adoption is like you ar afriad of being a mother,am not married but I have an 11 year old son “adopted” but he dosnt know that,motherhood is a wounderful expirince,adopted or otherwise,you’ll still get pregnant when God says so,you’ll get special blessing also for giving a homeless child a home an being his or mom.

  48. Rilli I am nt too okay wv dis ur own view! Mayb u nid to change ur mentality on:
    *wld there be natural bond
    *wld u be able to accept the adopted child as urs even if u get pregnant afta adoption?
    My dear really,if God is working based on faith and thoughts,u’v really got wrng thots on ur mind. Change ur mind set! U shld be willing to accept any child,infact u can start from children around yhu! E.g ur nephews,nieces,cousins etc. Draw dem close to u and treat dem ryt! Yoruba adage says *ori omo lo n pe omo waye* so dat God would do as u wish for u! Take good care of children ma dear! It really works…all d best! Have a strong faith in God!
    If u wana adopt,treat the child right and forget what any1 says! Even wen fins r ryt,ppl talk,and wen fins aren’t ryt,dey talk so…who cares? Even d dead, ppl talk abt dem,aw much more, we living ppl! Jus stsy focused and agree on wht to do wv ur hubby and treat d child ryt,and av a happy home!
    God be wv us all! Amen

  49. Dear honest sister,
    I really understand with you and I know how u are feeling, first of all I must say your fears are not unreasonable, in fact you have asked some pointed questions. The first mistake you and your husband made was putting on hold the making of babies cos of career. Most times we say something and we don’t know the spirit that is roaming about when we say something. And then that innocent word come back to hunt us. Adopting is not meant for everybody, so try this few techniques before u make a decision. Visit the orphanage home, try to visit 3x a week, spend time with the children, volunteer to baby sit, and see how you relate with the kids, visit relatives with kids and watch how they treat their children. And lemme tell u about adoption, they ask you questions, about your health, genotype, blood group, history. Then they advice you on the child to adopt. They try to narrow your search so you don’t have to face some awkward moment in future. You must be a loving person in other to love another person. Raising a child not planned for can alter your life, but the end is usually full of pride, joy, and strong feeling of achievement. Above all these, pray about it and let the holy spirit direct you. I wish you luck in your endeavor…

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