should I adopt?

Its dilemma tuesday yay!!! Another chance to win lots of prizes. If this is your first Dilemma tuesday, this is how it works. I share an issue and you get to comment on the issue. We’d really love to hear what you think. Five best comments get to win a prize.

Don’t be shy. Let’s know what you really think. There’s no right or wrong answers ok? Oh by the way all comments to qualify have to be submitted by friday. Let’s make this fun. Spread the word. Broadcast the link, post on bb, facebook, twitter, etc. You just might win a prize also for sharing the link 😉

So here’s today’s dilemma.

Dear pastor,
I’m writing you because I have an issue. I read the last dilemma tuesday and honestly I don’t mind getting people’s views on this.

I’m a 35 year old woman. I’ve been married for 8years. My husband and I met when we were working at the same bank almost 10years ago. Long story short. We fell in love got married and after 8years our nest is still empty.

At first my husband and I were building our careers so we agreed not to have children for 2 years. So in actual fact we’ve only been looking for 6 years. We didn’t use any contraception just the natural method as I didn’t want to mess up my hormones or anything like that. However now I’ve done many tests and treatments. I’ve even tried IVF twice to no avail.

Last year my husband came up with suggestion that we adopt. I waved it off and told him we should still trust God and keep trying. Last week he started talking about it again and he even gave me an ultimatum that I either give him a child naturally or by adoption or else. My husband is a serious christian so I know it is an empty threat but what do I do? I don’t think everyone is created to be able to handle adoption. At least I don’t think I can.

I’m being honest and practical here. These are my issues.

#1. I cannot handle the stigma of adoption in Nigeria. How do I explain to people that I adopted a child? What will people say?

#2. I will see the child as a constant sign that I failed as a woman to conceive

#3. Will there be a natural bond? Could I really love that child as my own? I don’t think I can.

#4. What if after I adopt. I get pregnant. What do I do then? What happens? Will I ever treat them the same? I suspect I may be partial to one.

#5. My husband wants me to adopt a new born or at least a month. By then you can’t tell the child’s genotype. What if it is SS. Its not a dress or car you can return so I’m stuck? What if the genotype is AS? My husband and I are AA. What explanation do we give the child later?

#6. Also if the adoption is done neatly, or the child is an orphan, I may never know the child’s parents, their character, circumstances of conception. Who knows it might have been a rape child. So many other things.

#7. Raising a child is life altering. Can I really do all I should for this child wiithout feeling like its not really mine.

Pastor, I’m not a heartless person. I actually even love children but I’m just being honest about my fears here but my husband has really been good to me and he’s just tired of not having a child in our home. He says children bring joy and peace into every home and they keep you young. His stand on the issue is “while we are praying for children; a child is praying for parents…”

What do I do?

Please I would like to remain anonymous. Thank you ma.

So there you have it people. Let’s help a sister out. U can reply with “dear honest sister” since no names given.

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53 thoughts on “should I adopt?

  1. Dear honest sister, Ɣ☺Ʊ said something that interest me. That when parent are praying for a child, that a child is out there praying for a parent. My adivce to Ɣ☺Ʊ is that Ɣ☺Ʊ should listen to ur husband and pray very well over it and then go for adoption, God is there to lead Ɣ☺Ʊ in adopting a child that won’t give Ɣ☺Ʊ problem and he will also give Ɣ☺Ʊ d grace to love &care for d child when Ɣ☺Ʊ look onto him for help, for d child Ɣ☺Ʊ adopt, love & care for will open door for Ɣ☺Ʊ to hv ur own child. Jesus said, for as much as Ɣ☺Ʊ hv done it to them out there that Ɣ☺Ʊ hv done it for me. Give that child a home and Ɣ☺Ʊ will be blessed.

  2. I don’t have anything else to add to all the wonderful advice these precious people have given, I think PM should just send her all the responses. reading this just makes me believe our world is not so bad afterall. people got good hearts. Thank you PM.

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