This week I’ve been stumbling a lot on funny things girls do. For instance look at this picture. It’s only girls that do things like this. Guys will NEVER. They’re more logical than that.
I’m always in shock when you see a fine girl, great family background; one who has probably been sent to finishing school tell you that she’s engaged and of course being happy for her you can’t wait to meet the guy only that when you meet him you don’t know whether to say “congratulations” or “I’m sorry”.
Let me paint you a typical scenario. So, regular day at the office, I have this darling “daughter” (in the Lord) and she’s one of those really, really, really pretty girls. You know the kind that should be models, they have a face that makes a sunrise pale in comparison. A body that can make angels trade in their wings and those kind of people that when they open their mouths to speak, its like a thousand angels singing. You know them now, probably even beefed them at one point or the other. They always look like they stepped out of a magazine even with no makeup on. Even when they tie wrapper on their chest it looks like a strapless evening dress. Yes! Those girls. You know them. So this my fine daughter o! Virgin sef tells me she has met the man of her dreams and I’m like “wow! Hey finally! Thank God o! When can we meet him?”
“Soon pastor M. Soon.”
Okay, what’s the hurry anyway. But I’m too excited. I want to see the “correct” guy that God has blessed this “princess” with. Then after a couple of weeks, I see her and for someone who has always been minimal with makeup… (can you blame her? When her lashes look like they just came out of a box and her skin glows naturally like she has used a bronzing powder. Her lips are what makeup manufacturers use to create the classic shade of pink) *tsk, tsk. much beef* Like I was saying I saw her and she had chopped off her long black hair and dyed it pale blond. She also had on very heavy makeup. Funny, I almost didn’t recognise her. She had on a top so low-cut I could almost see her nipples *talk about a wardrobe malfunction in the making*
“What’s going on?” I asked shocked beyond words.
“Oh! Pastor M, I’m redefining myself”, she told me.
“Redefining yourself?” I spat “what happened to the definition you had before?”
She laughed, made some flimsy excuse and disappeared. I noticed she was becoming a shadow of herself but beyond praying there was little or nothing I could do. I still hadn’t met her Mr wonderful and I hoped he would be able to talk some sense into her.
Then one sunday morning, I noticed she wasn’t attending her departmental meetings. When I asked her “why?” She looked at me like I fell from the moon and told me the guy didn’t want her in any department in church that had men in it. I still laugh just thinking about it. “And you, madam with a brain in your head (at least I believe God put one there when he made you) you agreed?” I was in shock for weeks.
Sadly that was just the beginning. His plan was to totally isolate her and that my darling young girl is the first step to a bad relationship. There are some major red signs in any relationship.
#one- when he tries to isolate you.
#two- when he tries to change you.
#three- when his phone never has network anytime he’s around you in other words he never picks his phone calls in front of you.
#four- when you’ve never met any of his friends. He claims he’s a loner because no one understands him.
#five- when all his exes are jezebels. It’s all their fault that all past relationships never worked.
#six- if he doesn’t believe in mentors or he believes he’s always right and doesn’t believe anyone can or should correct him.
#seven- when he’s quick to belittle you with words.
#eight- * I’m not talking again jare. If I give you all the points now. Why will you buy the book when it comes out?*
So back to my gist o! My dear girl stopped working in church. Then according to her, one day as they were going home from church (the one in which he had now turned her to a bench-warmer or should I say chair-warmer) and as they were going home some guy from church says “hello” to her and he gets visibly angry that she has no respect for him and grabs her by the arm before she could even wave a response he stormed off with her trying to catch up.
I had been hearing reports for quite a while and I had also noticed that she was, for lack of a better word, “fading away”. So I decided to meet this guy. I felt the real issue might be that because he’s so fine and has it all together perhaps she was feeling a bit intimidated and she wanted to keep him by all means. I felt that if I could get her to see the truth- that he needs her more than she needs him (she’s the help meet. If you’re helping someone shouldn’t you be the one posing?) and instead of lowering her standard by trying to fit into his stereotype he should be the one trying to prove that he’s worthy of her love. Abi?
So I sent for her and told her to bring him. I felt it was time we met. So after service she came to me. I saw her with some guy but I didn’t even consider he was the one. As in it didn’t cross my mind even once. So she came and hugged me and the guy stood some distance and gave me a perfunctory nod. I answered him with a “bless you” and gave her my full attention. “So where is he?” I asked with a big grin wondering why she didn’t show up with him?
My people let me quickly apologize. You see I am not God. I’m trying everyday to walk and live by the Word so that I can be like Christ but let me be honest, I’m not 100% there yet. The reason I’m saying all this is that God doesn’t see the way humans see or like they say in my church, God no de look face na heart e de scan. Me? Full human being o! *covering my face* I was expecting a TDH man, baffer (dresser to bad o!), deep baritone voice that would put barry white to shame, etc, etc, etc. After all they are supposed to be compatible – at least by human standards. Hey! My heart cut when she “did” me eye and said “that’s him”.
I asked (innocently) “where?”
“Pastor M, see him nau”
Hey! My people I know, I know, its about the content not the container but this one ehn! No content, no container. Fine e no fine, behaviour e no get. I mean your fiancee says she’s bringing you to her pastor and. You nod at me like I don’t exist? And because I am a Christian, I will not even delve into what he looks like but I will say this is a typical case of beauty and the very beastly beast. As we say in naija The guy no just try. By warri standards the boy too “wor-wor”
I said my hellos. Tried to (for her sake) hide the shock and confusion I was going through and quickly escaped. Went back and intensified my prayers. One night she came to see me in tears that it was over. Almost jumpedd for joy but she was sad so I had to act like I felt sorry *dis work ehn! Now I understand why the pay is so good. Lord, my mansion I believe just had another room added? #just saying* She went on and on about how after everything she had done for him, changed her looks, abandoned her friends and her church family. she had been paying his bills, cooking for him, washing his clothes, the abuse she had to endure both verbal and physical (can you imagine?) That he told her she wasn’t ready for a relationship so it was over until then. I didn’t understand as I’m sure you don’t too so I asked her what not being ready meant. She said he told her that at her age She was not ashamed she was still a virgin and since he loved her and wanted to put her out of her misery, he had decided to help her and disvirgin her. I laughed so hard, I fell off the chair I was sitting on. Are you kidding me? Do guys still use that line? I thank God she put her foot down.
I told her then THE TRUTH. “Young lady clean your tears NOW! Oya get on your knees and thank God that He didn’t let you marry that tout. I told her only am no fine (don’t you pity your children?) Only am no get behaviour (very badly behaved and arrogant young man). Only am no fear God (is sex before marriage not a sin again?) Only am com still de dull and insecure (she shouldn’t be in a department with men?) And na poor man o! (She was paying his bills. That he has a vision. ROTFL)Everything was against him. But all this was not the problem.
The problem was a princess, a daughter of the Most High God willing to lower her standards so much that even lizards could apply. (Not saying he’s a lizard o!) But hey! Ladies don’t just allow anyTHING intimidate you into a wrong relationship. In this kingdom we don’t crossbreed. If you are a princess, you can only marry a prince. We don’t go around picking reptiles and kissing them hoping they will turn to princes. I don’t care what the fairytales say. Trust God to bring you a prince that is worthy of you.
In her case, she has every reason to be thankful. The things she gave up for him are things that can be restored. She can grow her hair back and re-dye it. She can go back to her friends and church department- they will be too happy to take her back. She can get the money back just by being conscious of Prov 10:22. Her self esteem that suffered bashing from verbal abuse can be healed by the Word. The physical one can simply be cured by panadol 😉 but if he had dis-virgined her… Hmmm… Let’s just say “thank you Jesus” that he didn’t.
So ladies remember DON’T LOWER YOUR STANDARDS -you deserve the best.
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